D̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶E̶v̶e̶r̶ change: 2012…Why you so 2011?

What might we rightly infer based on all of the 4 days we’ve had of 2012?

1) Ana’s still struggling. [Please don’t change your coach] 

2) Bartoli’s still not shy of almost double bagelling those that are still struggling (no sadz Jarmila, it’s a Marion thing – she did the exactly the same to Safina this time last year). Still, nice reaction.

3) Kim’s still taking three to do what should rightly be done in two.

Rust, yes? She’s played next to nothing since early last year. Except I’m not completely convinced she wouldn’t have found a way of playing three sets anyway.



4) Gael Monfils is still inventing new ways of incorporating muscle (he didn't even know he had) into set-motions it had NO BUSINESS being part of.

5) Sam Stosur is still losing matches she has NO BUSINESS losing. [Can’t see her or Li repeating last year. Happy to be proved wrong]

6) Serena Williams is still getting headlines for all the wrong reasons.

Well that didn’t take long, did it?

For the record, I dislike it intensely when people give her a free pass for indefensible conduct and, even worse, try and depict even the mildest criticism of that indefensible conduct as a uniquely conspiratorial witch hunt.

I’ll continue to dislike it in 2012, because, being honest, I don’t expect it to go away.

I also don’t expect to see the back of its flipside: that (very mainstream) injury cynicism some are ideologically hell-bent on (we’re calling it “karma” now?) – cynicism that persists even in the face of video evidence (2:27), and even when a subsequent MRI scan confirms the injury:






The ‘Free-Passers’ inspire revulsion, which in turn bolsters the repellent views of the Injury Cynics and vice versa.  It’s very obvious the two polarised trends are designed to feed off one another in a deadly embrace from which there can be no escape – my guess is they don’t want to escape.

Sometimes bad conduct is simply bad conduct, which Serena, like many, many before (and I daresay after) her, is neither immune to nor irreproachable for.  Sometimes, dearest trolls, it’s not a conspiracy.

And sometimes, dearest hobgoblins, an injury is just an injury – nothing more, nothing less. Not an occasion to use as a cathartic vehicle to air distaste, vendettas, your very personal dislike (or another word some venture that you’d hope shouldn’t be part of this discussion) of Serena, the way some air their soiled undies.

Perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised, then, that this, too, hasn’t changed in 2012. Trolls are still trolls whatever the Gregorian Calendar might have to say about it.

Only Rafa’s unveiling of his new top-heavy frame, and of course Murray’s announcement of  what he hopes will be a game-changing (and perhaps shape-shifting) partnership with Ivan Lendl (Murr-dl?) buck this trend of same-iness, but of course neither count as both were announced in 2011.

Either the tennis season’s pulling one hell of a fast one and intends to unleash a seismic gamechanger later this year (which, being honest, would have to be at least as seismic as Novak or even Petra’s year to count), or the season really will prove to be that trite and that unconvincing…

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ATP Slapstick: Janko Tipsarevic and Gael Monfils on the verge of qualifying for London

 

So here’s an experiment. Try standing in front of a mirror with your hands behind your back, staring eye-to-eye at your reflection, and saying ‘Gael Monfils, number one seed’ out loud 10 times without pause (keep looking at the mirror).

If you make it past ‘four’ without the trace of a snicker (and without the aid of some sort of biochemical suppressant), I put it to you that your synapses are wired the wrong way and that you should probably be kept away from young children.

That’s where I was (or rather wasn’t) with Stockholm all week. Any tournament with Gael, or for that matter Janko, as its top seed needs to go away and do some thinking. Unless you’re in the business of slapstick.


 
But credit where it’s due.

Both Janko and Gael and, incidentally, Dolgopolov were *and are* in contention for London. They knew it – tennis mathletes certainly knew it.

Normally, that kind of demand is Gael’s cue to slide into a bunch of line judges or to go jump through a window – anything but win the requisite number of matches.

But he didn’t implode, not by that or any other means – and neither did Janko. Both men, instead, somewhat untrue to form, went on to win events in which they were (however laughably) deemed by the numbers to be the top seeds. In other words, they lived up to their billing. And that deserves recognition.

That, incidentally, is Janko’s second title in three weeks – also his second overall. With an appetite like that he might actually wind up qualifying for London (straight face and keep staring at the mirror). This must be why those hoity-toitys at the top of the rankings want to shorten the season.

Dolgo, on the other hand, has just gone out to Dudi Sela in St Petersburg this morning for the loss of only four games. Just last week he lost his opener to Jeremy Chardy, also in straight sets. That deserves recognition too – if only because it’s recognisably stupid.

With all due respect to those other two, only a nincompoop loses that meekly when there’s so much at stake.

Either he doesn’t get it, or he just can’t help himself. Or both. He’s “not wired properly up there” either.

(pics: Getty)
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Paris: About time too.

 

So it’s like this. Paree and me? We go waaaayyyyy back. But it’s also what they call “complicated”.

 

The top players (those that have qualified for WTF in particular) haven’t always shown up. Those that have are almost always too banged up to care.

 

The venue is a study in criminally bland interiors - the outside courts look like something they’ve annexed from the local primary school – the main court is certainly big, yet still lacks the spunk expected of (what to most is) a season ending event, occupying instead a no-man’s-land of confused obsolescence: too cluttered to be minimalist yet too vacant to have anything like an atmosphere.

 

Is it any wonder the stands are barely filled until well into round three (and even then it’s only for marquee matches)?

 

The trouble is, it’s also the place Marat won three of his five Masters titles and the site of Daveed Nalbandian’s little late season surge of 07 – ideologically speaking, I have a hard time even feigning indifference to any of that.

 

Then there’s the crowd…its one thing seeing an outside court full of empty people, but that’s not half as jarring as those that eventually do turn up:  French fans that don’t boo and hiss and poke and leer and….flap(?) Or is that just for RG?

Like I said. Complicated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What took you so long?

 

You might expect me to be jumping clean out of my boxer shorts over this one, and I am, except….it should have happened one whole year ago.

 

With it being Paree, and with the show both Llodra and Monfils had put on for the better part of the week, there was a certain tricoloured electricity in the air – and, consequently, much of the pre-final commentary had centred along the lines of…. “Has Gael come of age?” …. “Will Sod be affected by the Parisian crowd?” … “Has Rasheed finally pushed the right buttons?”.

 

I see no problem with any of that. Trouble is, it diverted attention from that bloated, frisky, Scandinavian elephant on the other side of the room: that it’s more than just a little anomalous for a guy with GS wins over the best two players of the past decade (one of which arguably ranks as the greatest sporting upset of recent years) not to have won a single Masters event – not even on a fast indoor court.

 

 

 

So when Sod finally put paid to Gael’s last (and obviously doomed) attempts at treating the rising damp of French melancholy, it was all a little ‘are you not done yet?’ (and not just because the final was such a blowout).

 

The greater and more obvious moral victory was against Mika in the semis who despite having spawned a blister and very evidently tiring in the final set, remained, for me, the better player out there for most of the match week.

 

So when Amelie, Fabrice, Guy, Julien and, quite possibly, the spirit of de Gaulle all showed up courtside at the same time – for the briefest of moments, it really did seem the week was destined to end on that flavoursome, tricoloured note.

 

A lesser player (or a pre 2009 Sod for that matter), effectively being prevented from playing their best tennis, would have crumpled in a self-effacing heap of hopeless obsolescence .

 

 

And yet, the truth is no one, not even Napoleon himself, could have enabled Gael to beat Sod on a court as fast as this.

 

Swedes win on fast indoor courts. That’s just the natural order of things dear boy. Why should it matter in 2010 that he’s (clearly) not cut from the same cloth as Edberg or Wilander?

 

Robin’s groundies on the fastest court we’ve seen this season? Well that’s just a marriage made in heaven.

 

We hold these truths to be self evident because…well, mainly because Robin’s oppressive groundies say they are – truths that should, in any case, by now have been drummed into us by the violence of his, otherwise well-meaning, forehand – a forehand only a mother (and a certain doting tennis blogger) could love.

 

 

Expecting him to S+V or otherwise cavort with the net the way Edberg did is like attending a Burlesque show and complaining about the overdressed, hammy actors.

 

And with that, Sod – sorry Söd – usurps Muzz as the #4 ranked player in the world. With less than 300 points between him and Djoko and virtually no points to defend in Melbourne (both have 400 points to defend at WTF) , the future’s looking very bright indeed.

 

It’s a career milestone….and yet it’s also just another box to be ticked along the way to bigger and better things. He’d completed all the the other rites of passage and, if you ask me, reaching two Slam finals in the manner he did has got to be worth a Masters title alone.

 

Do I think he needed to win a Masters title before a Slam, something of a diktat amongst tennis’s chattering classes? ‘fraid not – if anything, he seems more akin to Delpo in the way he simply ‘arrives’, should he decide to play well enough to win a Slam or any other event.

 

This one was long overdue….and it’s only the beginning.

 

In yer MonFACE

 

So sad Gaël. Here, have a Germanic umlaut for your pain.

 

Decriers will, of course (correctly) point to that poor excuse for a final – and yet, did any one of us believe they’d live to see the day Gael pulled the plug on that tired, poorly-choreographed stuntman act that riles me, and countless others, so very much?

 

 

No amateur dramatics, no Car-Crash TV – in fact, no broken glass of any kind.

 

It meant he was able to go through three top ten players (and score his first win over Fed) in the same week – don’t be surprised not to see that again for a very long time.

 

There was always a very real danger that, having delivered such an extraordinary performance piece, Gael would ‘revert to type’ in the final  – no surprises there then. Only, playing brain-dead passive tennis (which there was plenty of), is, this time, only in part responsible.

 

“Since the beginning of the tournament I’ve been really using up my reserves physically and mentally,” said Monfils, who also beat Andy Murray and Fernando Verdasco in earlier rounds. “It’s the whole week that made me tired.

“Today I wasn’t able to find the extra stamina that I would have needed to be more competitive. … It’s the first time I’ve been beating three top-10 players in the same tournament.”

 

Dya know, I actually believe the man?

 

Gael’s not accustomed to the kind of mental/physical demands that such a restrained, patient and focussed passage of successful play at the highest of levels inevitably brings – his character’s usually killed off early on the second act and so has never been part of such a structured narrative, certainly not in such a prominent role.

 

Should it surprise us he wasn’t able to cope? He wouldn’t be the first player to default to more comfy territory under pressure.

 

Except the trouble with reverting to type ‘A’ Gael is that it’s the exact ideological opposite of what you’d normally do in such circumstances: when you’re running so low on fuel, the sensible, considered goto-play is to serve big and to shorten points – arguably what got him there in the first place.

 

But then nothing Gael ever did was either ‘sensible’ or ‘considered’.

 

 

If it were up to me, this entire post would be dedicated to Michael Llodra – my player of the week.

 

Having him win this event would have been exactly the kind of madcap, kooky yet-strangely-appropriate result this tournament’s become known for.

 

For what I hope are very obvious reasons I wasn’t rooting for him…..and yet as I sat there watching him arabesque from one end of the court to the other, it was impossible not to be utterly entranced.

 

A curious, throbbing, elemental mix of idiosyncratic French flair and Moulin Rouge.

 

 

There’ve been all the usual pitiful, nostalgic comparisons to the idealised age that never-was – and yet what’s made this little window into 1996 possible has been the choice of surface – the fastest we’ve seen anywhere all season.

 

Of course it has its drawbacks – there was a reason they slowed down both the grass and the balls at Wimbledon. All the same, I’m thinking it’s pretty obvious the pendulum’s swung too far the other way when one, admittedly superfast, event upends some of the best players of this generation.

 

I’m also thinking it’s a small price to pay for a slightly different look to the type of tennis we get on one awful, anodyne medium-pace, blue hard court after another.

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USO: Save it for the judge. Or something.

 

 

 

Much as I’m in favour of this sort of thing (and much as it makes the poor sod on the other side of the net LOATHE you), this is akin to a stand up comic using up all his best gags in a teaser. It also has something of the Christians and the lions about it.

 

A little more quotidian, not to mention a little more restraint, if you please.

 

Meanwhile, a little more abandon and  far more belligerence from Sod would go down nicely too.

 

Five sets in a first round match against a guy making his first appearance at a Slam?

 

Oh I’m sure Haider-Maurer played the match of his career. It’s also true that, since Wimby, Sod’s developed a most worrying tendency to storm through the early parts of a match before allowing his inner, more flatulent self to lose control of the ship.

 

 

Early on yesterday I casually surmised that if any one of Ivanovic, Stosur, LaMonf and Reeshie were to lose their opening round matches, we shouldn’t, in fact, consider it an upset however upsetting it might personally be.

 

All survived. Reeshie and Ana easily, LaMonf and Stosur less convincingly.

 

Quite what this demonstrates – other than that I’m shit at making anti-predictions – I don’t claim to understand. Though the take out as far as Stosur’s concerned appears to be that she should be closing these matches out with significantly less pain.

Ana appeared to be striking the ball well though one competent win against a dithering opponent does not a comeback make. Zheng next.

 

 

 

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“Sorry”, no apology necessary.

 

 

Falla d. Monfils 6-3 6-4

 

Really?

 

Someone obviously forgot to ‘CC’ Gael in: Losing to Falla no longer merits an apology.

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“When in hole stop digging – when thy shoulder is bust, stop frakkin diving”.

 

 

 

 

 

Always good to see the big boys get their acts together and chalk up straight sets wins without mention of conditions, the officials or bad breath.

 

Oh I love to see them writhe around in early-round agony and witness the odd bid-for-freedom from the latest up-and-comer as much as anyone. But the simple truth is the tournament is a better place for their presence.

 

A truth almost universally acknowledged.

 

Oh wait…

 

 

Murray d. Monfils 6-2, 0-6, 6-3

 

I only caught the last set of this hot, sticky mess (was busy watching Masha making crispy pancakes of Aga’s 2nd serve further underlining why Aga will/should only ever be a lowly top tenner – also further underlining why I believe Masha has “arrived”).

 

I’ve yet to understand what exactly went wrong with Muzz in set two. In the interview I saw, Muzz was about as forthcoming as a toothpick.

 

Was Muzzard’s guard down? Or did LaMonf begin unloading in the way we know only he can-but-chooses-not-to?

 

"I wanted to improve certain things, and I think that I did," [Murray]said. "But I shouldn't have allowed myself to get distracted by my opponent in the second set. He's fun to watch but it's difficult to concentrate sometimes against him. But the good thing about tennis is you can regroup and come back – and that's what I did."

-- The Guardian

 

Exhibit A: Class Clown.

Exhbit B: The sound of your career being flushed down the toilet.

 

Comical if it weren’t, for Monfils’s sake,  so tragic.

 

I don’t care. There’s a reason I make a point of not watching what should be the game’s best shotmakers making a fool of themselves behind the baseline. There’s also a reason I’ve, all but, given up on Monfils.

 

To those that missed it – first spend ten mins counting yourselves lucky - LaMonf received treatment on a shoulder he injured diving for a ball I’d guess he was never destined to make. Only to dive on the very same shoulder minutes later in pursuit of another ball he was never destined to make.

 

I only wonder how much more of this Roger Rasheed can take.

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“Everybody was Kung-Fu FIghting”

 

My fondness for the tennis on offer in July lies only marginally above my fondness for Steven Segal movies and considerably lower than Andy Roddick’s fondness for clay. Which probably means I should be making more of an effort.

 

Point taken.

 

» France d. Spain 5-0

 

Love it or loath it, Davis Cup has an indisputable knack for bringing the best from talent that should, but doesn’t always quite, cut it at tour level - preferably at home, preferably coming back from a set down and preferably in front of hundreds of face-painted hopefuls wielding breadstick-balloons.

 

Conspire to arrange all of that, and you’ll find them transformed into something altogether more formidable.

 

reuters

 

Whenever I talk about La Monf, I end up lamenting how his remarkable shotmaking ability is only outdone  by his very French insistence on squandering his talent and life away behind the baseline playing, what amounts to, clay-court tennis.

 

He was joined by Llodra, Bennetau and a Gilles Simon on the comeback from injury. No shortage of talent, but hardly a bastion of dependability.

 

And yet Spain somehow came away without a single rubber to their name - not even a dead one – and quite possibly scarred for life.

 

LaMonf’s shotmaking sticks out.  Dasco going down in four to Llodra sticks out. As does Simons straight sets win over Almagro.

 

As, indeed, does Bandian’s electrifying performance against Russia over in Moscow.

 

Very romantic.

 

But it’s a familiar old Davis Cup “picture of imperfection”, is it not?

 

You need talent to succeed at DC, which is after all a tennis tournament like any other. But you feel it’s precisely this grizzled, vulnerable, intensely patriotic and, dare I say it, French sort of talent that’s so perfectly attuned to doing well here.

 

Nadal and Federer may leave us in awe, but they ain’t got nothing on that.

 

Argentina d. Russia 3-2

Serbia d. Croatia 4-1

Czech Rep. d. Chile 4-1

 

» World Cup: Spain d. Netherlands 1-0

 

After winning the Channel Slam and securing the #1 ranking until, quite probably, the end of the year, do we really want to see Rafa playing DC?

 

Or do we want to see the dork dressed like this:

 

 

 

 

I wasn’t the only one to predict he’d do this:

 

 

 getty

 

My Precioussss……

 

 

 

 

Alright. I’ll admit it wasn’t the most cleanly contested final Holland have ever played. It certainly wasn’t “Total Football”, unless that is you’re thinking of “totalling” the opposition.

 

 

 

 

What’s a little axe-kick amongst overpaid footballing superstars anyway?

 

Point is, they had to come through Denmark, Cameroon and favourites Brazil to reach this point. And it’s not their fault they only had to play competent football to get there.

 

Which brings me to my other point.

 

Now that it’s all over, can we agree that, with the exception of Germany and Spain, how uniformly shite the top teams and, in particular, their top players were?

 

Ronaldo, Rooney, Messi and a raft of other top talent all underwhelmed.

 

Germany began the event by missing a penalty, which happens to be about as frequent an occurrence as Federer going out in the first week of a Slam.

 

None of the favourites seemed willing or able to produce anything more daring than draw after draw.

 

Argentina went down Germany 4-0. No shame in going down to the Germans, but that score-line, really?

 

France? Let’s not even go there. Oh ok then.

 

And the defending champions went out to Slovakia. A competent enough side but still, no comment.

 

If I wanted to argue asterisks, I’d say Germany had the tougher route through and were a better team, qualitatively, than Holland. There’s that word again.

 

In the end, however, the #2 ranked team hoisted the trophy having had to go through powerhouses Portugal, Germany and a Dutch side where “everybody was kung-fu fighting”.

 

The best team won.

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Roland Garros: If only you could see me now…If only you could see me at all.

Fognini: “You can't tell, but I'm trying to break the tension

by mooning you guys”

Pat Mac called it “One of the most amazing sights that I could barely see.”

Play was suspended at 5-5 in the fifth due to what was charitably termed “bad light”.

Gael had been insistent about wanting to play on at 4-4. Fabio was docked a point for holding up play after he spent nearly 10 mins insisting otherwise.

I love Gael, but say Fabio had held one of those two match points.

That is all.

(Photos: Getty)

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Indian Wells: Mens Preview

I might do a WTA-lite version of this.

Then again I might not.

1st Quarter

Contenders: Federer, Roddick, Baggy, Le-Sliderman

Party Poopers: Tipsy downs A-Rod, Baggy downs Fed; both in R3

Match that needs to happen: La-Monf v A-Rod R4

Good things need to happen to: David Nalbandian. A belated, injury blighted but nonetheless Davis Cup empowered return for him.

(Photo: AP)

TALKING POINTS:

1) Is the guy we’ve seen practising at IW really Roger Federer?

I’m not so sure. I’m never that confident in the abilities of the imposter that sometimes shows up after an extended injury lay off, and those eyes seem a little too relaxed to me.

With Bodo adding to the confusion over his presence at this event last week, I’m waiting to be proved wrong.

2) French-Cypriot Empowerment.

Liking the look of both Baggy and La Monf at the moment. For Baggy it seems like his first injury-free spell in around three years (Yeah). Good things tend to happen when he’s moving and striking the ball this freely.

La Monf gave one of the best performances I’ve seen from him in the last twelve months in his Davis Cup Tie against Kohlschreiber last weekend. As always, I’m pretending it didn’t happen, and expecting nothing.

3) Where the heck has Andy Roddick been?

And, more to the point, what does he intend to do about it? I know that Wimbledon final sapped almost all his life force from him, but it’s been too long. Just saying.

2nd Quarter

Contenders: Muzzard, Soderling, Tsonga, Ferrer, Karlovic

Party Poopers: Ivo downs Muzzard R4, Feli downs Sod R3

Match that needs to happen: Igor ‘The Forehand’ v Muzzard in R3

Good things need to happen to: James Blake. There’s life beyond thirty, as Fererro will be all too happy to tell you about, should you be inclined to sign up to his life coaching sessions held funnily enough at Hotel Fererro.

TALKING POINTS:

1) Can Muzzard get through IW without offending another tournament organiser and can he divorce himself from the bloody coup seemingly underway back home?

There was talk this week of him being pressured to take part in that relegation play-off against Turkey. Cannae see it happening – though it wouldn’t hurt his image in the least.

If he keeps himself focused on the happenings on court (and keeps both feet well out his mouth), there’s no reason to suppose this can’t be a good event for him

2) Would it be too much to ask for Jo-Willy to sustain the momentum from that energising Davis Cup Tie?

As observed, both La Monf and Tsonga were splendifique last week.

I’m banking on it having had an ennobling effect on their tennis.

Energy cannot be created or destroyed and momentum really ought to be conserved. Except Jo-Willy seems willing and able to break any and all of the laws of physics.

3rd Quarter

Contenders: Rafa, Davy (still playing?), Isner, Querrey, Verdasco

Party Poopers: Isner/Querrey down Nadal R3/R4, Troicki downs Davydenko R3

Match that needs to happen: Davy v. Dasco R4 (if only to erase that horror of a match they contested in Oz)

Good things need to happen to: Mario Ancic – a piano not dropping on him doesn’t count.

TALKING POINTS:

1) How will Rafa’s knee hold up?

We don’t know of course. And the random nature of his withdrawal in Oz means that were he to emerge unscathed from a characteristically heavyweight performance here, we still wouldn’t know.

2) What now Ernie?

Even if he were to turn up, which I’m not yet certain of, Davy’s likely to be quite vulnerable. And I’m not that convinced with Dasco on the best of days.

All of which makes it a compelling opportunity for Ernie to make his mark, and back up that recent win in Delray Beach.

3) Time for a credible American #2 me thinks.

By which I mean someone other than Tommy Haas.

With Rafa and Davy likely to be far from their best, I can’t think of a better occasion for Querrey and Isner to make some noise.

4th Quarter

Contenders: Cilic, Djoko, Ferrero, Simon, Kohlschreiber

Party Poopers: Monaco downs Ferrero R3

Matches that need to happen: Cilic v Ferrero R4 and any match involving Kohlschreiber and a top tenner.

Good things need to happen to: Carlos Moya. Just coz I don’t expect to see this member of the thirty something club around for much longer. Another possible disciple for Life Guru Ferrero

(Photo: AP)

TALKING POINTS:

1) Will Djoko evade burnout?

Dubai followed by a heroic Davic Cup outing. A fantastic run, except I’d hate to see him run out of gas where it matters most.

2) Can Cilic make an impression without playing insane amounts of tennis?

Of course every Masters event from here on in will be earmarked for Cilic to make his mark. Whether you think of him as “the next del Potro” or not.

I mean why would that not happen?

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Paris: Novak Repackaged, Not Reborn

Djokovic d. Monfils 6-2 5-7 7-6 (3)

For a set and a half yesterday Novak Djokovic played the kind of flawless tennis that made you think it was 2007 all over again.

It all looked very grand indeed.

Only twenty four hours earlier Novak had dusted off Nadal using the same blend of unrestrained flamboyance, and precision guided play, not seen from him for well over 18 months.

(Photo: Clive Rose/Getty Images)

Gael, for all his flamboyant bravado, looked like a school kid well and truly out of his depth, on his way to being comprehensively stripped and gutted before being hurled on to a heap in some remote landfill site.

Then something happened.

The paint stripper stopped working. The jackhammer seized up.

Mostly it was about everything misfiring, all at once.

I was worried ‘Grinderman’ was about to resurface – that at least would have meant he would more than likely have kept his cool to put Gael away in two -- but this was more serious than that.

We’d seen this Jekyll and Hyde act at various points thr0ughout the year, so the sight of Djoko unable to keep the ball in play, perhaps shouldn’t be that astonishing. Think back carefully and you’ll remember it happened this very week, in that second set he played against Big Rob.

Which is why I feel it’s all very premature to read too much into his recent wins over Messrs Fed and Nadal, and that many journos are rather overreaching themselves in their desperate attempts at recasting him as ‘The One Reborn’.

It's not just that Nadal's own shadow would likely take offence at being made an exemplification for his shoddy form (though I'm actually sorta glad its a dip and not a bad knee that’s at the root of the problem).

Or that this weekend's result might readily have been so very different had Federer not run into an impromptu demonstration of French Tennis, the way it should be played.

The real reason I'm having diffculty buying into the concept of 'Novak - Reborn', is that this is not so much a return to his old form as it is a carefully managed optimisation of a different brand of tennis. A game that's had commentators perplexed since he switched frames at the beginning of the year, with it's uncharacteristic and bizarre forays into grinderman territory.

Don't worry, I'm not going down that road again. My point is that, whilst I'm glad Novak has managed to optimise his play into something more in line with his standing in the game, it's not what led him to winning a Slam.

He may reach those less manufactured heights again with further successive optimisations and, I hope, a gradual curbing of that grind I once found so offensive, but which has now given way to a kind of unapologetic indifference. But until then, let's just say the occasional shocker wouldn't shock me.

That said, Djoko deserves all the plaudits he’s been receiving these past two weeks for being one of the few players seemingly fit enough and committed enough to make something of the remaining few weeks of the calendar: there’s still tennis to be played whatever you might think of the post-USO variety.

What’s more is he’s deserving of a Masters 1000 title - maybe even on the back of that astonishing Madrid semi-final alone.

Maybe it's that sense of vindication that was behind that wolverine-like transformation that unfurled during the spectacle that was his victory celebration. It reminded me of those Maori-inspired Hakka Dances the New Zealand All Blacks perform before going into 'battle'. Try and picture this happening during a Serbian-American Davis Cup tie involving Djoko facing off with A-Rod.

Ok, maybe don’t picture it happening.

I don’t really know what to say about Gael, other than that he served exceedingly well. I don’t like the way he lurks behind the baseline. Never have, never will; and I despise his loopy defensive shots that barely clear the service line and, as far as I'm concerned, have no business being a part of the modern game (wouldn’t it be easier to play the match with the words ‘sitting duck’ emblazoned on your chest?).

(Photo: AP)

But he did well to keep his cool (if you can call it that) when Djoko’s forehand went so awry during that second set, thereby forcing a third, and for that I guess he deserves some credit. It was certainly well received by the Parisian crowd.

I’m just not convinced this experience was anywhere near as life-changing or career-transforming as it might have been.

Why does that not surprise me?

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Paris: Comforting thoughts.

Comforting to know perhaps, that whatever happens from this point on, we’ll have a new winner this week in Paris.

(Photo: Clive Rose/Getty Images)

There can really be no excuse for Nole not to clean up now. Aside from some wobbles against Big Rob, he’s been playing the most convincing tennis of the week. Not a wholly dissatisfactory outcome if it does come to pass.

Rafa pulled off what I think of as an upset against Tsonga yesterday, when he somehow found his way to some semblance of form. But it was as short lived as many had predicted: ‘RAFA IN FORM NOW – FOR ONE DAY ONLY – CATCH HIM WHILE YOU CAN’.

(Photo: JACQUES DEMARTHON/AFP/Getty Images)

There’s still London, but I’m guessing it’s not just me that thinks it’ll be next year before we see his best once again.

I’m also more than just a little confounded and dumbfounded with what I saw from Big Rob. I’m not quite sure what happened there, but the guy that took to court, with his sunken red eyes, sweating profusely after being on court for little more than one game, was more ‘Bog’ Rob.

Too much partying at Marat’s leaving do, me thinks. Shame. With Fed and Murray going out early, this was an unexpected opportunity to eke out a win and strengthen his bid for London – and as delayed as his arrival was, he did have Djoko on the ropes for a large part of the match.

La Monf has just gone a set and a break up opposite Stepanek as I type; if he does go all the way here -- not wholly impossible for any Last Frenchman Standing in Paris – there will of course be many hoping he can build upon this and realise some of that potential, that still for the most part, remains unfulfilled.

I myself, continue to remain unconvinced of his top ten potential. But it sometimes only takes one of these Masters thingies to change all that.

And given so many people are busy hating upon Stepanek, I’ll throw my hat into his corner too. It’s all very last man standing, but he’s competent, fit and always works for his wins.

I’m willing to overlook a bit of dirty dancing for that.

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Jubilant Marat and A French Proposition

(FREDERIC BROWN/AFP/Getty Images)

Getty captioned this image “Marat Safin jubilates after beating Fernando Gonzales of Chile…”.

It’s the kind of jubilance I normally express at the thought of paying off my utility bills at the end of the month.

Perhaps the right approach given the circumstances. I actually can’t remember the last time he won back to back matches; certainly not against someone as illustrious as Gonzo. Though it does still feel as if he’s itching to leave the ATP party.

That said, a win over Rafa wouldn’t be the most improbable result in the world right now. Particularly if he is in some sort of groove. Or am I now being too jubilant?

This could also prove to be a very interesting week for Robin Soderling, who has much to gain from winning an event like this.

I know Nando-Djoko is the other big marquee match, but I’m rather liking (and preferring) Big Rob’s chances in this half of the draw, particularly as neither of those other two have been that inspired over the last few months.

I know he’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I haven’t changed my opinion on his flat groundies. It would be positively spiffing, to see him qualify for London, particularly after what happened in RG.

It wasn’t my intention to follow Tokyo this week, but I’ve just realised that with Delpo’s early exit, the remaining top three seeds are all French. Scratch that. Gilles was ‘upset’ by Mikhail Youzhny. (Nice to see him pocketing a win again)

So here’s the deal.

What we have here is a Fedal-less event, where the top seed -- the US Open Champion -- has gone out in the opening round. Of the remaining contenders, I can only see one Stan Wawrinka causing any vexation.

(Photo: AFP/Getty)

I’m not saying all is forgiven, but a win here for La Monf or Jo-Willy might just lead me to reconsider my troubled relationship with French tennis.

Consider all your French bridges burnt however, if you return with another loss.

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Such Finery...

“For a long time people spoke about my lost finals,” Monfils said. “But now the curse is over. I’m happy with this victory. I managed to win, and on top of that it was in France.” The 13th-ranked Monfils added that he wouldn’t be satisfied “until I win the French Open, which is my ultimate goal.”

(Source: Yahoo! Sports)

Not quite RG. But a win's a win. And a win in France against such a seasoned opponent quite rightly means so much more.

(Photo: AP)

Kohlschreiber is no slouch. In fact I'm fairly certain he's completely unfamiliar with what that is. (Is it me or has he dyed his hair?)

And as to RG, let's take a moment to consider how ridiculous the prospect of Soderling making the final there would have seemed not six months ago, before dismissing Le Sliderman's chances at the drop of a hat.

"I have been blessed with all the wonderful friends and opportunities to be able to compete at the highest level," said Sugiyama, who won three Grand Slam women's doubles titles and was a singles quarter-finalist in the 2000 Australian Open and at Wimbledon in 2004. "Tennis has given me so much. It has allowed me to meet so many people. I would like to give back what I received maybe through tennis, maybe through other sporting activities," said Sugiyama, who will play Nadia Petrova of Russia in the first round.

(Source: Times of India)

My rant flag has been drawn to half mast. There'll be no WTA lampoonery here today. Not when there are such fineries to be had.

(Photo: Getty via sonyericssonwtatour.com)

Today belongs to Ai and Kimiko.

I have a very special affection for Ai, whom I used to follow with some interest as a teenager, and who's probably the only player I can think of as still active, from back then. Except for Kimiko of course.

Sugiyama's career spanned 17 years, over which she made 62 consecutive Slam appearances (read "not missed a Slam since the age of 17"), reaching a career high of #8 in the rankings.

But I'll always remember her for her work ethic. Thinking back I can only seem to recall two images of her: the focused expression of a competitor at work, or the smile of that same competitor enjoying her work.

"I have learned so much from you not only as a tennis player, but also as a person, how to treat people, how to behave with fans, with the media," Hantuchova said.

(Source: Times of India)

Seems to me many younger players besides Dani could learn from her example.

Kimiko I knew less of. I learnt today she retired back in 96 and made a seemingly unsuccessful return to tour last year going out in the first rounds of all eight tournaments she entered.

But to raise the trophy in Seoul she had to battle past Kleybanova, Hantuchova and Medina-Garrigues.

Talk about stopping the rot.

I know many will say that a 38 year old winning an event (the oldest since Billie Jean King in 1983) is an unsurprising sign of the times, and yet another indictment of the tour. Signs I normally leap on any opportunity to highlight. But funnily enough, this says more to me about organic talent remaining unaffected by the passage of time. And rising above the sea of more synthetic talent. The type manufactured so unlovingly nowadays.

I'm guessing Kimiko's in lesser shape than she was at her peak back in the 90s. But she can hardly be described as out of shape either.

(Photo: AP)

She could pass for 25.

Besides, physical fitness is not always the prerequisite it's sometimes made out be. Match fitness almost always is.
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Monty-real Tennis: 50 Stroke Rally

Gael Monfils is clearly still on the comeback, but he and Juan-Carlos did manage to put together this little gem of a rally in Montreal yesterday (apologies for the seventies nightclub jingles).



Alas, not quite enough to avert defeat for young Gael. Ferrero's resurgency is, well, resurgent as ever.

I say they're not trying hard enough.
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Hamburgers and French Fries...

Alright enough.

Even I know when to call a halt.

So enough on the 'American Beauty' of single handed backhands.

Enough with the fanciful and giddy kung-fu tennis fusions.

And Enough with the Andy Murray film scripts that sound like they've been written by an intern. During their lunch break.

We're returning to tennis we are.

But biding time is fun. Know that I intend to do a lot more of it. Especially when the most interesting thing to report on tour is that Gilles Simon continues to have only a slightly worse time of it than the German Open itself. That's the new no-frills deMASTERised ATP 500 name for Hamburg btw.

A tournament that's had it's new director Michael Stich mucking in at doubles this week in an effort at staving off declining interest. A tournament Simon (the #1 seed) was unceremoniously ejected from by a qualifier, a wildcard no-name somebody called Daniel Brands. So sorry Danny. Congratulations, until yesterday I hadn't heard of you. Now you're a label in my tag cloud. A label that's currently too feint to be detected. But Go Germany, nevertheless.

And that wasn't the end of it. Wawrinka, of Wimbledon single-handed shootouts under-the-roof fame: comprehensively duffed-up, I think is the phrase. Tommy Robredo, clay-court extraordinaire, supposedly out of a funk: Now he's out of the event too. And Melzer out to Uruguayan qualifier Cuevas. Remember folks, it's the depth in men's tennis is what it is.

There's still a watchable enough cast with Davydenko, Sod, Ferrer and Kohlschreiber holding fort, I suppose. But it won't stop me feeling that the event's effectively been crippled, an event that was already having trouble these last few years, with it's placement immediately prior to Roland Garros. A situation that meant the marquee names either didn't show up at all, or came hobbling in after taking part in some of those other historic battles of Rome.

Well it's been pinioned alright, and moving it to mid July, that no-mans-land of the tennis calendar seems too much like adding insult to injury.

It also goes without saying, but I'm going to anyway (even at the risk of sounding smug), that I was largely unimpressed with Simon's rise to the top. And now, as they say, those factory-fed chickens are coming home to roost. They're set to arrive over the next few months as the points he accrued over that marvelous run of last year drop off.

But Gilles is an easy target. His top ten position is after all reflective of a 52-week rankings system. It seems to be swipe-Simon season, but I'm not much more impressed with Tsonga either. Great start to the year with those titles in Jo'burg and Marseille and that quarter final appearance in Oz, but now beginning to settle into what looks like a Nalbandian-like hangover, recovery from which is only possible late into the indoor season. If that.

I haven't much time for French tennis these days. It's easy on the eye, but not on the nerves. Monfils' short-lived stay in the top ten has rightfully come to an end. One wonders if Gasquet can rebound from Dopesville. Not by the sounds of it. Not if 'Pamela' has anything to do with it.

But it's like that across the board. If anything I see Simon as a lower case Dinara, castigated for the failings of a necessarily imperfect system, that rewards every win you've had in the last year. Wins, the totality of which is against only a slice of the field anyway. Not that reflective of very much at the best of times.

The unglamorous reality is that apart from a handful of guys and girls at the very top, most every player has an inconsistent shoddy looking performance sheet. Full of potholes and pockmarks. And bunkers, to bring in those recent golfing metaphors I lovingly introduced. It's the point at which I think the rankings system really comes into its own. Seemingly custom built to mediate between a field of wildly fluctuating neurotics.

Nice to know it's good at something.

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