Folie de Grandeur. Men’s Tennis I’m looking at YOU.

No I mean it.

Amelie began coaching Michael Llodra at Queens last week (yes, I know), but she may as well have been cringing over the entire ATP top ten.

Congratulations to Rusty and Querrey for making good in a week when order, reason and good old common sense seemed to fail us.

Actually, I excuse both Rafa and Roger. Their loss last week is not quite the cause for the Requiem Mass some are now undertaking. It certainly doesn’t seem to me to warrant anything more than a half-raised eyebrow.

Nadal got to the quarters, seized up with a hamstring problem against a grass court specialist playing in his own words “the best match of his career”. Hardly surprising given the season he’s just had – perhaps even a blessing in disguise. Besides, it’s a hamstring problem – not the knees – read not a Code Red. Nothing a ten day fishing stint in Majorca can’t fix.

Half Raised Eyebrows.

Federer’s loss to Hewitt, breaking as it does a 15 match winning streak against him and a winning record at Halle that dates back to 2003, is….concerning. It’s also just another instance of his less polished record outside of the Slams. Whether you think that’s because “he doesn’t care” (laughable notion), or is more prone to the unforgiving three-set format, or is simply less attuned to winning these tune-up events, the results speak for themselves. For my part, I defer exercising my right to get more “up in arms” about it for when the same thing starts happening at Slams.

Four other reasons why my arms aren’t up:

1) Federer had his worst clay court season in 6 years, even though in my mind he was playing, during parts of it, better than he was in 2008.

2) For what its worth, I do believe he found his form in Madrid in a final where both he and Nadal moved around like two-bit drunkards, performing at about 70%.

3) The loss in RG? NO ONE beats Sod in that form (see Sod’s first law).

4) Yet, despite all this, he still made the finals of the first grass court event of the season in the same week that no other top ten player even managed a semi.

Eyebrows still only half raised .

***

Not quite as ready to absolve the rest of the “top ten” from tennis purgatory.

Since Muzz lost at Oz he appears to have joined Djoko in a rut of disillusionment whose only distinguishing feature is it’s ability to produce a string of “nearly-man” results. Just about enough to maintain a ranking but not nearly enough to keep you relevant.

Both of them right now, in fact, seem to occupy a no-man’s land of the top ten: neither threatening the top, nor standing in the way of those that do.

Marin and A-Rod are more perplexing. When Roddick took off the early part of the clay season for what sounds like a second honeymoon with his Misuss, he got, what I thought at the time, was a disproportionate amount of flak for it. Sela, unfortunately for A-Rod, gave what’ll likely be a once-in-a-lifetime performance at Queens that lead to him being termed “Baby Reeshie”.

Not quite sure how that works, but it also means Roddick enters Wimbledon with the least amount of matches he’s likely ever had.

As for Marin I’m pretty sure now that at some point , he’ll come through as “this year’s Delpo” – just don’t be surprised if he takes until next year to realise it. He’s certainly taking the more torrid, torturous route.

At RG, I suspect, he was simply unlucky to run into Sod. Who promptly murdered him. Which might explain his loss here this week – hard to string two wins together if you’re not a shadow but a mere chalk outline of yourself.

(Photos: AFP/Getty)

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Wayne’s World.

Poetic justice has finally (though almost not quite) been served on Wayne Odesnik.

Following all the controversy, the freshly-recycled trowel-fulls of moral outrage and the anointing of fresh-faced Sammy as a Saviour – one who would put right the young blaggard who dared besmirch the face of American Tennis (something acutely poignant, is there not, in the thought of a Samurai dispensing poetic justice?) - 7-6 1-6 7-5 doesn’t seem an especially convincing score line – not when you consider Querrey had previously “refused to lose” to the national pariah.

In any case we thankfully have been spared the bilious outpurings an Odesnik winners acceptance speech would have inspired. I like me some black humour – I like it even more when it’s not humourless.

Except this episode’s been full of that kind of farce, hasn’t it?

When the story first broke I remember thinking which of the two (if either) I found more tragic:

That Odesnik actually thought he’d succeed in getting “seven vials of HGH” past Australian Customs(a country with some of the strictest border controls in the world)?

Or that the recently retired Guillermo Canas (who’d served a controversial doping ban of his own) happened to be associated with Wayne in one of the first ventures of his new found coaching career?

A tragicom in every sense of the word, except of course in that it’s completely unfunny – just plain tragic then. And a little stupid.

“Seven vials” of anything seems to me to invoke the wonderfully colourful (and illicit) world of John Grisham – smoke and mirrors, intrigue, scandal, conspiracy, nationally institutionalised corruption – that sort of thing.

There is of course a precedent for this. There almost always is.

Seven vials? Try forty eight.

However twisted that might seem, I’d obviously (along with everyone else) underestimated how ham-fisted Wayne was intent on appearing, or indeed how hammed-up his burlesque act was about to get.

The subsequent events, from the near-Lewinskian denial of using HGH (issued soon after he’d plead guilty to it’s possession and been fined AU$8000), to his unabashed and somewhat cerebrally-challenged decision to participate in Houston, have already been combed over with all the precision of, well, a Donald Trump comb-over.

Due process (TADP-rules) was, as I understand it, deferred to allow for due process (Aussie-Rules) to take place, which paradoxically allowed for Wayne to play without breaking the restrictions any such due process may or may not have placed on him.

Confused? Welcome to Wayne’s World.

In any case it’s often quite distasteful to witness much of what passes for “moral outrage” these days – I normally steer well clear of it however much I might despise the actions of any perpetrator.

Had Wayne issued some kind of apology (however insincere) and not instead plunged his foot in it quite so deeply by electing to play in Houston, it might still have been possible to argue that most of that outrage would be better directed at the doping authorities, whose vision of “due process” remains confused, misunderstood, bureaucratically-constrained and jurisdictionally-uncertain. A work seemingly forever in-progress.

Viewed less charitably, I might still have said that he’s much too easy a target.

As it stands however, I can’t find the charity to protect him from the consequences of his own folly – especially when he appears so keen to continue digging that hole he’s in.

(Photos: AP Photo/Houston Chronicle, James Nielsen, AFP)

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Indian Wells: Mens Preview

I might do a WTA-lite version of this.

Then again I might not.

1st Quarter

Contenders: Federer, Roddick, Baggy, Le-Sliderman

Party Poopers: Tipsy downs A-Rod, Baggy downs Fed; both in R3

Match that needs to happen: La-Monf v A-Rod R4

Good things need to happen to: David Nalbandian. A belated, injury blighted but nonetheless Davis Cup empowered return for him.

(Photo: AP)

TALKING POINTS:

1) Is the guy we’ve seen practising at IW really Roger Federer?

I’m not so sure. I’m never that confident in the abilities of the imposter that sometimes shows up after an extended injury lay off, and those eyes seem a little too relaxed to me.

With Bodo adding to the confusion over his presence at this event last week, I’m waiting to be proved wrong.

2) French-Cypriot Empowerment.

Liking the look of both Baggy and La Monf at the moment. For Baggy it seems like his first injury-free spell in around three years (Yeah). Good things tend to happen when he’s moving and striking the ball this freely.

La Monf gave one of the best performances I’ve seen from him in the last twelve months in his Davis Cup Tie against Kohlschreiber last weekend. As always, I’m pretending it didn’t happen, and expecting nothing.

3) Where the heck has Andy Roddick been?

And, more to the point, what does he intend to do about it? I know that Wimbledon final sapped almost all his life force from him, but it’s been too long. Just saying.

2nd Quarter

Contenders: Muzzard, Soderling, Tsonga, Ferrer, Karlovic

Party Poopers: Ivo downs Muzzard R4, Feli downs Sod R3

Match that needs to happen: Igor ‘The Forehand’ v Muzzard in R3

Good things need to happen to: James Blake. There’s life beyond thirty, as Fererro will be all too happy to tell you about, should you be inclined to sign up to his life coaching sessions held funnily enough at Hotel Fererro.

TALKING POINTS:

1) Can Muzzard get through IW without offending another tournament organiser and can he divorce himself from the bloody coup seemingly underway back home?

There was talk this week of him being pressured to take part in that relegation play-off against Turkey. Cannae see it happening – though it wouldn’t hurt his image in the least.

If he keeps himself focused on the happenings on court (and keeps both feet well out his mouth), there’s no reason to suppose this can’t be a good event for him

2) Would it be too much to ask for Jo-Willy to sustain the momentum from that energising Davis Cup Tie?

As observed, both La Monf and Tsonga were splendifique last week.

I’m banking on it having had an ennobling effect on their tennis.

Energy cannot be created or destroyed and momentum really ought to be conserved. Except Jo-Willy seems willing and able to break any and all of the laws of physics.

3rd Quarter

Contenders: Rafa, Davy (still playing?), Isner, Querrey, Verdasco

Party Poopers: Isner/Querrey down Nadal R3/R4, Troicki downs Davydenko R3

Match that needs to happen: Davy v. Dasco R4 (if only to erase that horror of a match they contested in Oz)

Good things need to happen to: Mario Ancic – a piano not dropping on him doesn’t count.

TALKING POINTS:

1) How will Rafa’s knee hold up?

We don’t know of course. And the random nature of his withdrawal in Oz means that were he to emerge unscathed from a characteristically heavyweight performance here, we still wouldn’t know.

2) What now Ernie?

Even if he were to turn up, which I’m not yet certain of, Davy’s likely to be quite vulnerable. And I’m not that convinced with Dasco on the best of days.

All of which makes it a compelling opportunity for Ernie to make his mark, and back up that recent win in Delray Beach.

3) Time for a credible American #2 me thinks.

By which I mean someone other than Tommy Haas.

With Rafa and Davy likely to be far from their best, I can’t think of a better occasion for Querrey and Isner to make some noise.

4th Quarter

Contenders: Cilic, Djoko, Ferrero, Simon, Kohlschreiber

Party Poopers: Monaco downs Ferrero R3

Matches that need to happen: Cilic v Ferrero R4 and any match involving Kohlschreiber and a top tenner.

Good things need to happen to: Carlos Moya. Just coz I don’t expect to see this member of the thirty something club around for much longer. Another possible disciple for Life Guru Ferrero

(Photo: AP)

TALKING POINTS:

1) Will Djoko evade burnout?

Dubai followed by a heroic Davic Cup outing. A fantastic run, except I’d hate to see him run out of gas where it matters most.

2) Can Cilic make an impression without playing insane amounts of tennis?

Of course every Masters event from here on in will be earmarked for Cilic to make his mark. Whether you think of him as “the next del Potro” or not.

I mean why would that not happen?

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Fair Play Award of the Week: The Samurai

(Photo: Stephen Dunn / Getty Images)

Oh I like this.

After being accused by Tommy Haas of lacking class after his semi-final loss to Sam Querrey at LA last week, The Samurais make good by going ahead and showing us exactly that. Class that is.

"First off, we would like to extend an apology to Tommy Haas for what he he believes was 'inappropriate' and 'classless' behavior.... Contrary to what Tommy Haas asserted, we were not cheering his errors and missed serves (our restraint is something we actually take pride in), but, simply applauding (yes, in a pretty boisterous fashion) the unbelievable effort from our former classmate and good friend, Sam Querrey. We understand that this line can easily be blurred in a competitive tennis match and therefore apologize to Haas for the confusion. To make up for it, we would like to follow in the steps of the White House, and offer to take Haas out for a beer (Beck's of course) and reconcile our differences at the upcoming U.S. Open Championships.... Again, we are simply trying to direct some passion and spirit toward the great game of tennis that we all love.... The Samurai."

(LA Times)

Doubtless the most articulate strain of fanaticism you'll ever see.

After J-Block, and the Fanatics, I have to admit I was trying kinda hard to ignore these guys.

They have so raised the bar.

Tommy, Sammy. Flushing Meadows. QF.

Needs to happen.
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Now that's what I call a TV schedule: LA QF Preview

Haas v Safin

Not a problem if I start with the biggest and baddest draw ticket first, is it?

It's not the biggest title in the world, but a win here will set both of them up well and proper ahead of the Open.

With the success Tommy had at Wimbledon, and with it being Marat's swansong, most will I believe like me, be backing Marat. Who's not done anything of note since Wimbledon last year. And who's probably the only guy on tour that's got more fans locked in one of those collective global good-will seances, than Ernie has.

It could happen, couldn't it? Yes it could. Mind you he could also edge past Tommy and go out in the very next round to someone like Dudi Sela. Which would be pants, if you don't mind my putting it like that.

Ok I'll do it. *Deep Breath* Marat in three. Must.Not.Do.Pants.

Sela v Querrey

If Dudi gets through this one it'll only be to put paid to Marat. I'm going to regret saying that, no?

Having said that, he's down a set to Querrey as we speak.

Sam's had a mildishly interestingish kind of year. Little surprised he lost that match against Ginepri last week. But I can't see him losing this one.

Sam in two.

Isner v Ball

Dunno Don't Care.

Isner should get through this in straights seeing as I know absolutely nothing about Ball, and seeing as I'm guessing Isner is probably twice his height.

Fish v Mayer

Still Dunno, definitely don't care.

Mayer fought his way past Ouanna (of RG-fame) and Kunitsyn to get to this point. If you're at all interested.

Oh I dunno, Fish in three?


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A Very International Affair...

This last week all the publicity seems to be over Davis Cup so lets get that out of the way to begin with.
Let me state right out that historically I haven't been a great fan of Davis Cup. To me it always seemed to be operating at a level below the main tour - a poor relation of the premier ATP events.
Its detractors have various theories as to why this is the case, but even ardent fans sometimes agree that it can be difficult to muster up the same level of interest and passion without the involvement of the top players.
Still I'm beginning to be won over as we've had some very decent matchups this year - in particular France v US earlier in April and of course Spain v US this last weekend.

There was little doubt that Spain would win last weekend, but I was pleased to see competitive matches between Roddick and Ferrer and particularly between Querrey and Nadal - I mean most people probably wrote the guy off the second the draw was released. The fact that he was able to take a set off of Nadal in what must have seemed the most imbalanced of matchups (on clay against arguably the greatest clay courter of all time backed by a partisan Spanish crowd in a Madrid bullring - I mean Querrey must have thought 'Are you guys kidding with this setup!?') bodes well for his future.
He held his own and even though he lost the other sets, didn't appear to wilt.
Against Nadal, Roddick unfortunately got a dose of what Federer experienced at this years French Open Final - that he got the crowd on his side albeit for a fleeting moment (best moment of 2008?), was amongst the few positives that he could draw from this encounter.

I guess thats what rescues Davis Cup for me: the atmosphere. The crowd and the antics of the players' bench really do make this event something special, however I'm still not completely sold: for every matchup like last weekend we also have debacles like Great Britain v Austria - only Andy Murray's involvement in that fiasco prevented it from being a complete write off.
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