Oz: Day Three Drive By

1) Let’s be clear about this. I like Kader. And I like Daveed. None of that is likely to change very much.


Isner d. Nalbandian 4-6 6-3 2-6 7-6 10-8

Kader made a dud call by not allowing David to challenge. And David was right to feel hard done by that. An ignominious end to what sounded, otherwise, like a sensational match.

But I’ll never not be suspicious of those that attempt to explain away entire losses on the basis of one incident – it’s the goto-play of the desperate. Kader could have been Alves-like in his ump-misdemeanours, and it still wouldn’t change the fact that tennis was being played both before and after that incident.

Also, we’re questioning Daveed’s charm? On the day Mardy went “Lardy” (again) and Baggy obliterated 4 racquets?? For feeling hard done by a call that even Nouni probably now admits was a shocker??

 

Magnificent.


2) It’s not news to anyone that Rafa should beat Haas in straights, but am I alone in thinking he should have been made to play this one without pummelling more than two shots in succession high into the veteran’s single-handed backhand? Where have we seen that before?

Seems only fair. And a little more inspired.

3) Lleyton/ARod last (last) on RLA??

Seems to me we ought to know better by now than to schedule either one of Lleyton or Baghdatis in a night match.

The matches don’t always promise to be gripping and there’s practically ZERO chances of them finishing before brekkie the following day. We hold these truths to be self-evident, but for some reason they’re especially true of Melbourne.

I’m not convinced ARod has it in him to go the distance quite like he once did (nor, for that matter, does Lleyton), but if it does, expect more common sense and less delinquency than you’ll find in Gael v Bellucci. Also a night match.

4) You may think grunting is a non-issue (it is), you may point to the fact that the players don’t seem to mind (they couldn’t care less) but I do have a lot of time for the viewpoint (Wertheim’s, amongst others) that says it becomes an issue once it begins “alienating its core clientele”……that would be the fans.

But those Neanderthals?? Mimicking Vika in the stands today? Not part of that clientele. Trust me, our sport’s not in crisis because some stoned pot-bellies (that probably only watch tennis for 2 weeks each year) decided to make a day of it.

Consider them alienated.

(Pics: Getty)

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WombleTown: Bring It…

I fear this won’t live up to its billing. Nalbie’s simply been out for too long. His #25 ranking is born mostly of a little surge during the North American Hard Court Season last year. Still, won’t ever say no to this much vintage.

This, on the other hand, could go all the way. And perhaps not, I fear, my way. My guy has already been put through the mill by Petzschner and Hewitt. Depending on your take, that could prove either beneficial or ruinous. Tomic may be evil, but he can play.

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WombleTown: Assorted, Unhelpful, Unholy Thoughts

 

Braindump of various (unholy) thoughts…….GO.

-- “Isnut Redux” will be over in under 3 hrs, with Isner winning, very likely, in straight sets. Meh.

-- Isnut aside, Fed’s draw looks like a snapshot from 2005.

-- Progress at an event being inversely proportional to points being defended....Berd goes out in week one. Perhaps even to Donald Young.


-- Murray just had his best FO ever. His Queens match against ARod was likely the best he’s ever played. Anywhere. Winning Queens in its entirety was, on the other hand, a clear case of not knowing when to stop, in the foulest of taste, and amounts to cashing in his chips too early. Just a feeling I can’t seem to dismiss.

-- Fernando Gonzalez in a GS draw: thine eyes doth not deceive thee

-- Federer/Nalbandian scheduled to meet in R3: thine eyes doth not deceive thee

-- New game: Pick a farce, any farce. Chances are AbFab’s already done it, or will find a way of doing it before the end of week one. Expect Milos to get very pissed off, which ought to be interesting as I’m not familiar with that phenomenon.

-- Point and laugh all you want, but I can totally see Rafa going down to Delpo (R4) or Berd (QF).

-- James Ward will continue his Union-Jack-coloured epiphany, and come close to knocking out Michael Llodra, before the latter remembers how great he is at coming through these early round, 5-set (late night) raves. Needless to say, he'll go out meekly in his next match.

-- “Pova is the favourite”. Playing her best post-shoulder-op tennis certainly, but favourite? [in my best, whiney call-waiting voice] “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t know what that word means – please try again later…”


-- I’m looking for a strong run from Serena, but I don’t expect her to win it. It’s simply been too long and the health scare is not something she’s ever had to contend with. Venus represents the more intriguing choice…..

-- Can *just* about see Marion preventing Serena from reaching the quarters. Just. And she’ll need to be lucky.

-- Out of Tsvetana (SF), Kaia (QF) and Petra (SF) – last years result in brackets – only the latter has a chance of not being plunged into rankings free-fall come two weeks time. Which probably means the exact reverse will take place.

-- Incidentally, why is no one talking about Kaia Kanepi? All I’m saying is there’s a lot of hoopla surrounding, say, Tsvetana (who I like btw), who’s only won 4 matches in the 14 events she’s entered since Wimbledon last year.

-- Since the media have done a bout turn and are suddenly shitting on Caro as an early “flameout”, almost as forcibly as they plugged her in RG – I’m gonna put myself out there, and say that she’ll do “great things”. Only, there’s a small chance that most of them take place in the first week.

-- Make no mistake about it: by far the absolute worst thing that could happen next week, is for Li Na to exit the party early. All those euphoria-tinged RG epilogues on how she might now be ready to make good on her talent, will look like nothing more than romantic fallacies. I’ve seen it happen to better players. Of course it may not happen at all. Except it might.

-- Declare thy allegiance then (remembering to balance romance with actual credibility). Here’s mine: Murray, Sod, Fed, Nole (in that order)…..Marion, Pova, Venus, Li, Serena, Petra, Yools (in that order)…..GO.
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Oz: Over before sunrise. Call yourself a “night” session?

 

 

 

 

Nalbandian d Hewitt 3-6, 6-4, 3-6, 7-6(1), 9-7

 

Hewitt and Nalby last on court in a night session at the Aussie Open – how else was this meant to “go down”?

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Sod ups the ante, Delpo’s return to Oz.

 

 

» Soderling wins Brisbane; up to world #4

 

Having not seen a single ball of live Aussie tennis, I’m going largely on 2nd hand reports when I say that Sod is in scintillating, intimidating form.

 

 

 

This time last year, nursing an elbow injury, he went out in the first rounds of both Chennai and, more worryingly, Oz itself: were we to include the two exhos he took part in prior to that, that would still make a profoundly dispiriting 2 out of 7 matches won (though one of them was a win over Federer :P).

 

It’s not Bercy, but ravaging your way through a 32-man draw with wins over Radek and ARod, all without dropping a single set, should, in theory, mean “good things” ahead of Melbourne.

 

Especially when you consider that it bumps him up ahead of Murray at #4 in the rankings. Amongst other things this means he’ll be seeded #4 in Melbourne and (as he only has a paltry 10 pts to defend there) have a very real shot at the #3 spot (Djoko reached the quarters and defends 360 pts).

 

He also won’t have to face either one of Rafa or Fed prior to the semis – a pleasure now handed down to Muzz at #5. Handy that.

 

Other weekend winners include Fed (avenging last years loss to Davy) in Doha, Stan in Chennai (any chance we can get through a single week free of domestic innuendo?), Kvitova over Petko (no dance) and Greta Arn in Auckland (you have no soul if you’re unhappy about this).

 

» Delpo + Nalbie will underwhelm rather than “upset” at AO

 

Look. I hate to be the spoilsport.

 

And it’s great to have Delpo back – lord knows he’s served his time.

 

 

 

It’s always an especially cruel form of pleasure to watch an under-ranked former Slam-winner/world-number-one working their way back to the big-time, blitzing through the early rounds taking down whatever big names are unfortunate enough to be drawn up against them (see Henin, Justine).

 

For all of that, I don’t think Delpo will be “upsetting” anyone just now. At least not in Oz.

 

[dodges rotten tomato]

 

Boo all you want. I’m happy to play the pantomime arch-villain.

 

Just know that I believe rather than desire this. I want him back as much as anyone out there, but  it normally takes longer than just the one event he’s playing in Sydney to get even a fraction of form back.

 

I know Justine reached the final of her first event back, but a) she wasn’t injured and was presumably playing more than Delpo’s been able to prior to her return, and b) she has a more compact, less injury-prone frame – comebacks for lumbering giants are always to be approached more gingerly and one step at a time (see Sharapova, Maria).

 

Ditto Nalbie, who always tends to blossom post Wimbledon. At the beginning of the year he normally invents new ways of disappointing us.

 

You’re right, I’m coming across as an arrant prick right now. But someone needs to say these things.

 

Needless to say I’m happy to be proved wrong about either, or both of the above.

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Wait…Isn’t that THE top four?

 

 

First time since 1987.

 

Can you guess who those others were?

 

I’ll give you a clue: Becker, Edberg, Llendl and Connors.

 

Oh wait, that’s not a clue…

 

In other news, Daveed did finally run out of gas.

 

My scriptwriter says he feels vindicated but has chosen to pursue other opportunities.

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Daveed, 11. The World, Nil.

 

getty

 

Nalbandian d. Soderling 4-6, 6-4, 6-1 

 

My only solace is that Sod will still, most likely, end the week as world #4.

 

Unless, perchance, Daveed and Rafa’s game isn’t quite sufficient to suppress and/or distract the Muzz.

 

Hint: Try diving through a pane of glass. With a broken shoulder. Then call the trainer and grimace violently. Then go out and do it all over again. Works like a bomb.

 

For the record, Sod did nothing wrong. It was one of those days. Daveed-Days. He’s had eleven of them so far. In succession.

 

My script said something about him being out of gas by now.

 

…and here’s where I sue my scriptwriter.

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You had to be there.

 

getty

 

Kuznetsova d. Radwanska 6-4, 6-7 (7), 6-3

 

A mostly dominating performance from Sveta apart from a joke of a second set tie break when the wee gremlins occupying her brain took control of the ship, putting the ‘case’ firmly back in front of the ‘head’.

 

In what has to be the the single most spontaneous act of cerebral combustion seen this year, Sveta blew away Championship after Championship point and with it the second set tie break – allowing Aga back in, all after being 4-0 and 6-3 up.

 

"It was very hard to close and I choked for first time in my life," said the two-time Grand Slam champion.

…

"My knees were shaking and I couldn't push on my serve and now I know why people double fault on match points," added Kuznetsova.

"I just shook. The trophy was very important to me. I was very embarrassed and I just got it back together and dictated.

"To play that bad at end of the second set and then to let her come back and see me choke, I had to be twice as strong in the third set and I was.

"It's pretty funny now that I won the match, but if I lost I might be thinking: 'should I finish playing tennis?' I doubt it will happen again."

-- BBC

 

“First time in her life?” Quite possibly.

 

You really had to be there.

 

It’s easy to assume Sveta’s simply talking up her confidence – blowing away unassailable leads is, after all, as familiar to her as the act of creating them in the first place.

 

But that’s mostly been through her aggravating tendency to believe she’ll make winners where none exist.

 

This was about nerve. Nerve so palpable, you could practically taste it behind your teeth – knowing that a double was on it’s way well before Sveta stepped up to serve.  Icky-unnerving and not at all for the faint of heart.

 

Difficult not to feel for Aga who, for two sets, played to the best of her ability. Reaching the finals here should further entrench her top ten ranking and, as I think I said earlier, I think she’s kinda earnt it.

 

getty

 

Nalbandian d. Baghdatis 6-2, 7-6 (4)

 

I know. I know.

 

All the narratives are in place. An unseeded wildcard. Ranked outside the top 100. Back from a hip injury. Not played since April.

 

And yet I remain unmoved.

 

It’s quite simple really. It’s as much a mistake to believe Nalbie will be upended by anything so trifling as hip surgery as it is to believe he’ll carry over this form wreaking havoc in the USO.

 

“If he plays like that,” Baghdatis said, “he can beat a lot of guys in the top 10.”

 

And if he doesn’t?

 

The real joy and wonder comes from knowing that in Sveta and Nalbie we have two stellar players whose form week in week out is as elusive as the location of a quantum particle.

 

In any given week they’re as likely to beat a string of top ten players as they are to exit in the first round of Warsaw.

 

If you were to attempt to jump into a wall a couple of trillion times, quantum theory predicts that your atoms  would, eventually, reconstitute on the other side.

 

Magic when it happens – nothing more than a sore head most of the other time.

 

For now I’ll content myself with knowing that they’ve made themselves relevant again.

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Fancy meeting you here.

 

 

 

I’d have liked to have seen a Malisse/Nalbie final -- it’s been that sort of event – but this works too.

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“Everybody was Kung-Fu FIghting”

 

My fondness for the tennis on offer in July lies only marginally above my fondness for Steven Segal movies and considerably lower than Andy Roddick’s fondness for clay. Which probably means I should be making more of an effort.

 

Point taken.

 

» France d. Spain 5-0

 

Love it or loath it, Davis Cup has an indisputable knack for bringing the best from talent that should, but doesn’t always quite, cut it at tour level - preferably at home, preferably coming back from a set down and preferably in front of hundreds of face-painted hopefuls wielding breadstick-balloons.

 

Conspire to arrange all of that, and you’ll find them transformed into something altogether more formidable.

 

reuters

 

Whenever I talk about La Monf, I end up lamenting how his remarkable shotmaking ability is only outdone  by his very French insistence on squandering his talent and life away behind the baseline playing, what amounts to, clay-court tennis.

 

He was joined by Llodra, Bennetau and a Gilles Simon on the comeback from injury. No shortage of talent, but hardly a bastion of dependability.

 

And yet Spain somehow came away without a single rubber to their name - not even a dead one – and quite possibly scarred for life.

 

LaMonf’s shotmaking sticks out.  Dasco going down in four to Llodra sticks out. As does Simons straight sets win over Almagro.

 

As, indeed, does Bandian’s electrifying performance against Russia over in Moscow.

 

Very romantic.

 

But it’s a familiar old Davis Cup “picture of imperfection”, is it not?

 

You need talent to succeed at DC, which is after all a tennis tournament like any other. But you feel it’s precisely this grizzled, vulnerable, intensely patriotic and, dare I say it, French sort of talent that’s so perfectly attuned to doing well here.

 

Nadal and Federer may leave us in awe, but they ain’t got nothing on that.

 

Argentina d. Russia 3-2

Serbia d. Croatia 4-1

Czech Rep. d. Chile 4-1

 

» World Cup: Spain d. Netherlands 1-0

 

After winning the Channel Slam and securing the #1 ranking until, quite probably, the end of the year, do we really want to see Rafa playing DC?

 

Or do we want to see the dork dressed like this:

 

 

 

 

I wasn’t the only one to predict he’d do this:

 

 

 getty

 

My Precioussss……

 

 

 

 

Alright. I’ll admit it wasn’t the most cleanly contested final Holland have ever played. It certainly wasn’t “Total Football”, unless that is you’re thinking of “totalling” the opposition.

 

 

 

 

What’s a little axe-kick amongst overpaid footballing superstars anyway?

 

Point is, they had to come through Denmark, Cameroon and favourites Brazil to reach this point. And it’s not their fault they only had to play competent football to get there.

 

Which brings me to my other point.

 

Now that it’s all over, can we agree that, with the exception of Germany and Spain, how uniformly shite the top teams and, in particular, their top players were?

 

Ronaldo, Rooney, Messi and a raft of other top talent all underwhelmed.

 

Germany began the event by missing a penalty, which happens to be about as frequent an occurrence as Federer going out in the first week of a Slam.

 

None of the favourites seemed willing or able to produce anything more daring than draw after draw.

 

Argentina went down Germany 4-0. No shame in going down to the Germans, but that score-line, really?

 

France? Let’s not even go there. Oh ok then.

 

And the defending champions went out to Slovakia. A competent enough side but still, no comment.

 

If I wanted to argue asterisks, I’d say Germany had the tougher route through and were a better team, qualitatively, than Holland. There’s that word again.

 

In the end, however, the #2 ranked team hoisted the trophy having had to go through powerhouses Portugal, Germany and a Dutch side where “everybody was kung-fu fighting”.

 

The best team won.

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Monte Carlo Fallout.

-- Rafa and Big-Berd have pulled out of Barcelona.

The heavens themselves (much to the chagrin of the Barcelona promoters) could be heard to breath a sigh of relief as Rafa, for the first time in five years, elected to pull out of Barcelona.

“I’m in perfect shape,” Nadal said Tuesday. “I feel very good but I don’t want a repeat of what happened last year. For my tennis to be at the right level, I have to be physically well and that’s my principal objective.”

…

“I’m being as cautious as possible so that I can play the maximum amount possible,” Nadal said. “It wasn’t planned. Tennis isn’t like football, you never know how many games you’re going to have to play.”

-- tennis.com

Perfect shape? Perhaps not, but still exactly the type of tempering of his clay court schedule many of us have been hollering out for. For too long it seems.

Perhaps, with the relatively sodden ten or so months he’s had, and with the eagerness that might foster to get back on dirt, 2010 ought to be an exception. But I’d go as far as saying that missing Monte from next year wouldn’t be the worst decision in the world either. Much like Federer has.

Why, of all people, should Rafa need any more than Rome and Madrid (both mandatory events) to find his feet on clay?

-- Berdych. This year’s Robin Soderling?

Not in terms of inflicting tsunami-like upsets on our generation’s best or narking Rafaelites off so very much - more in terms of late-blooming, suppressing daemons and establishing a more credible and worthy presence at the top of the game. Discuss.

-- Nalbandian out for two events with a hamstring injury. Possible return in Madrid.

Not what you want to hear after witnessing his anatomy-defying “hip” exploits over the past month.

Take solace if you can, however, in noting that it could be worse. Much worse.

Hip surgery remains a career-ender for the most part, ushering in a post-traumatic age where simply remaining competitive begins to make one resemble those foolhardy salmon that hurl themselves the wrong way up a waterfall.

Very often into the jaws of a hungry bear. Guys like Kohlschreiber for example.

I don’t detect anything nearly so grim in Daveed’s case but maybe, like Nadal, there’s something to be said on the benefits of a more staggered comeback.

-- Stosur demolished Bepa 6-0 6-3 to pick up her second career singles title and her first ever on clay.

“This is bigger than Osaka, and to do it here and on clay and be playing well all week and everything is just a great feeling,” Stosur said. “You can’t really compare the two, but this is definitely a bigger event, and I’m very pleased that I was able to play so well.”

-- tennis.com

Darn right it’s bigger than Osaka. Before the great WTA Premier switchover of 2009, Charleston was a tier one event, with an illustrious Champions Roll of Honour (Evert won here eight times) and a well-respected sponsor in Family Circle.

Sammy’s efforts have landed her a #10 ranking.

Much has been made of the dilapidated state of the draw, but only that pedantic analyst would elect not to grossly fanfare about her having largely followed up on her well-publicised intent to target singles – and who knows, maybe pick up a title or two? And I currently have him in a headlock.

She’ll find it considerably tougher going repeating her great run of RG 2009, especially given the way in which the presence of the Belgians might affect things, but she’s as well placed to score a high profile upset as she’s ever been.

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Monte Carlo: Elephants on clay?

Nadal d. Ferrero 6-4 6-2

He lost only two games in reaching the quarters – and only a further six in putting paid to the Mosquito.

Is there still an elephant in the room?

If there is, I should imagine it’s fearing extinction.

That said, I’m still happy to err on the side of caution.

I don’t think we can dismiss what happened in the second half of that match in Miami as an irrelevance.

I’ve no doubt that Rafa will rebound on his favourite surface – I only expect the journey to be a little bumpier this time round.

The upshot of course, is I won’t be catastrophising in the way I expect much of the media too if, God forbid, he somehow doesn’t win all three of Monte/Barca/Rome – which probably ought to be collapsed into a single title anyway, with Rafa getting a bye to the final each year.

Djokovic d. Nalbandian 6-2, 6-3

Tis a shame.

Not the cheesepuff victory pose (though that too is, in it’s own way, quite damning).

This should have been match of the day, but Daveed never really got going and truth be told wasn’t really allowed to (No matter Daveed – you still win the ‘hippest’ hip surgery award).

Not that I’m complaining - Nole was arguably the second best clay courter out there last year – if he’s begun finding his feet on clay (rather than his feet of clay) it exponentially increases our chances of a Rafa/Nole final.

I hear they hit a good ball on dirt.

(Photos by Julian Finney/Getty Images)

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Miami: “Lazy Brilliance”

Nadal d. Nalbandian 6-7 (8), 6-2, 6-2

For a set and a half, it seemed like it was 2007 all over again, as Daveed caressed us with what Leif Shiras lovingly termed “lazy brilliance”.

That dreamy mix of flat ball striking and fairy-tale movement that leaves the court shimmering in his wake.

I suppose you can call it lazy: there’s certainly something casual and unassuming about the way in which he appears to expect brilliance. But the sight of Daveed making those silky smooth transitions into court seemingly drunk in a haze of his own brilliance usually spells trouble.

This time last year Nadal all but admitted to being in awe of his backhand – in fact he spent the best part of their encounter at IW last year avoiding it (let’s just say that play backfired even though he won the match).

He didn’t make the same mistake today, though appeared both shaken and vulnerable after losing that first set – that losing H2H surely playing on his mind in part.

It’s as well he held things together, as more and more of Nalbie’s brilliance gradually began to unravel before us. The trouble with naturally gifted players like Nalbie and Sveta is they don’t know when to stop demanding brilliance, lazily or otherwise.

Perhaps it was also his lack of match fitness (so widely prefigured) that came to the fore – that at least would appear to suggest he wouldn’t have survived his next match even if he found his way past Rafa.

I don’t care. This ranks amongst the best comebacks from hip-surgery I’ve ever been privy to – a scarred wasteland from which only the most battle-hardened even dare attempt to emerge.

He’s still only 28 – and there’s still a certain easy brilliance about him. Long may he laze in it.

Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images

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Hamburgers and French Fries...

Alright enough.

Even I know when to call a halt.

So enough on the 'American Beauty' of single handed backhands.

Enough with the fanciful and giddy kung-fu tennis fusions.

And Enough with the Andy Murray film scripts that sound like they've been written by an intern. During their lunch break.

We're returning to tennis we are.

But biding time is fun. Know that I intend to do a lot more of it. Especially when the most interesting thing to report on tour is that Gilles Simon continues to have only a slightly worse time of it than the German Open itself. That's the new no-frills deMASTERised ATP 500 name for Hamburg btw.

A tournament that's had it's new director Michael Stich mucking in at doubles this week in an effort at staving off declining interest. A tournament Simon (the #1 seed) was unceremoniously ejected from by a qualifier, a wildcard no-name somebody called Daniel Brands. So sorry Danny. Congratulations, until yesterday I hadn't heard of you. Now you're a label in my tag cloud. A label that's currently too feint to be detected. But Go Germany, nevertheless.

And that wasn't the end of it. Wawrinka, of Wimbledon single-handed shootouts under-the-roof fame: comprehensively duffed-up, I think is the phrase. Tommy Robredo, clay-court extraordinaire, supposedly out of a funk: Now he's out of the event too. And Melzer out to Uruguayan qualifier Cuevas. Remember folks, it's the depth in men's tennis is what it is.

There's still a watchable enough cast with Davydenko, Sod, Ferrer and Kohlschreiber holding fort, I suppose. But it won't stop me feeling that the event's effectively been crippled, an event that was already having trouble these last few years, with it's placement immediately prior to Roland Garros. A situation that meant the marquee names either didn't show up at all, or came hobbling in after taking part in some of those other historic battles of Rome.

Well it's been pinioned alright, and moving it to mid July, that no-mans-land of the tennis calendar seems too much like adding insult to injury.

It also goes without saying, but I'm going to anyway (even at the risk of sounding smug), that I was largely unimpressed with Simon's rise to the top. And now, as they say, those factory-fed chickens are coming home to roost. They're set to arrive over the next few months as the points he accrued over that marvelous run of last year drop off.

But Gilles is an easy target. His top ten position is after all reflective of a 52-week rankings system. It seems to be swipe-Simon season, but I'm not much more impressed with Tsonga either. Great start to the year with those titles in Jo'burg and Marseille and that quarter final appearance in Oz, but now beginning to settle into what looks like a Nalbandian-like hangover, recovery from which is only possible late into the indoor season. If that.

I haven't much time for French tennis these days. It's easy on the eye, but not on the nerves. Monfils' short-lived stay in the top ten has rightfully come to an end. One wonders if Gasquet can rebound from Dopesville. Not by the sounds of it. Not if 'Pamela' has anything to do with it.

But it's like that across the board. If anything I see Simon as a lower case Dinara, castigated for the failings of a necessarily imperfect system, that rewards every win you've had in the last year. Wins, the totality of which is against only a slice of the field anyway. Not that reflective of very much at the best of times.

The unglamorous reality is that apart from a handful of guys and girls at the very top, most every player has an inconsistent shoddy looking performance sheet. Full of potholes and pockmarks. And bunkers, to bring in those recent golfing metaphors I lovingly introduced. It's the point at which I think the rankings system really comes into its own. Seemingly custom built to mediate between a field of wildly fluctuating neurotics.

Nice to know it's good at something.

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Red Devils...

Not much play in Rome today because of the rain, so some time to reflect on something a little different. Well not that different really considering it's all about Rafa on clay again.

I know it's pretty futile (not to mention desperate) given stats like being 165-4 on clay since 2005, but I've come up with a list of players that in my opinion are definitely capable of getting to Rafa and maybe even edging past him in competitive three set matches.

That last bit is very important as you've got to be pretty brash to think you can go at it with Rafa for 5 sets. Then again, maybe that kind of thoughtlessness is exactly what's needed. No, but seriously no one's touching Rafa in 5 right now, not even Roger. So let's aim for something more achievable.

The first thing to note is there's no clay courters on there. No true clay courters anyway. I know that's slightly at odds with my recently proclaimed wish to see 'clay court tennis returned to the clay courters' -- well maybe that's putting it a little strongly -- but the reasoning behind this is not all that complex.

Put simply, I don't think clay court tennis in it's present form -- with it's lengthy physical exchanges, short high bouncing returns -- can hurt Rafa very much. In fact if anything that type of game plays into his strengths. Which, in case you've been living under a rock for the last 4 years, are being an ambidextrous monster that hits unprecedented levels of top spin with (what Roger described as) 'a forehand off both wings'. Oh and he doesn't get tired, which means problems like hot conditions, 5 setters, or players like Canas/Ferrer playing the match of their lives, don't get to him.

I also don't think you can shy away from the reality that the guys that have had any level of success against Rafa tend to be those that hit flat, take the ball early or come in a lot. Last time I checked neither one of Ferrer or Robredo possessed any of those plays.

Roger Federer

Look, I know his current state of play is a little dispiriting. And a clay court with Rafa on the other side of the net should probably be the last place in the world you should venture to try and rediscover your confidence. But I don't think you can ignore that Roger has been for some years now, the 2nd best clay courter in the world, and more importantly that some of the more competitive recent 4-5 setters that Rafa's been made to play on clay have all been against this fella.

You could argue that Rafa's grown as a player since then and that Roger during this same period has been feeling the pressure from increased competition. But you could also argue that if he takes a set (as he's done many times in the past) and doesn't succumb to that final set madness that have become a defining feature of his recent encounters, then it's not a nonsense to suggest he might also force his way to a third.

After all, he's not been found wanting physically these past five years (one of the more nonsensical explanations I've recently heard for his present issues), finding the ability to go five competitive sets with Rafa at a time when he was blitzing through the rest of the field. He can surely find his way back to producing three again? Maybe even edging through some of them - and that's all I'm contemplating right now.

Nikolay Davydenko

A strange choice? I don't think so. He managed to get a set off Rafa at Rome two years ago and blew him (along with most everyone else) away last year at Miami on the hard courts. It's not just his ability to take the ball as early as he does that I find persuasive - after all James Blake is a great example of that too. But where I think he outstrips James and is especially adept, is in finding the lines with those flatter groundstrokes of his.

I also think he's one of the few non-Spanish players that can endure a three setter that feels more like a five setter with Rafa. In fact I was at one time strongly critical of Nikolay for playing far too many 5 setters en route to the many Slam quarters and semis he's been part of. But it never seemed to tax him physically, and he often only fell short to that Federer bloke.

But there's a third reason I've elected to begin a one-man Nikolay bandwagon - and that's his new found abilities at the net which are nothing short of sensational. We first saw it at Miami last year and then again at Monte Carlo last week. Two years ago, and he wouldn't have made this list as his net play was non existent. Very different now.

David Nalbandian

Just because of his well known abilities to make you cringe and go gaga in equal measure. See the first two sets of their match in Indian Wells if you don't already know why. Also because of his double hander - which along with Murray's and Safin's is my pick for the best on tour.

Everyone knows the well chronicled tragedies Roger has suffered on account of his single hander being -- and it pains me to say this -- a liability against that monstrous left handed forehand of Rafa's. Heck if Thomas Hardy were still alive he'd write a novel on it entitled 'Far from the Madding Topspin'. Double handers on the other hand, don't tend to struggle with it. Not nearly as much. And if you possess one as strong and flat as Nalbandian's, you might be on to something.

Oh and don't forget his gravity defying movement and ability to find the lines. Or his winning record against Rafa, which admittedly consists of two thrashings on a hard court. It's interesting they've never played on clay. Barcelona last week would've been their first encounter had Daveed not pulled out.

Novak Djokovic

You couldn't not include him on this list after his performance at Monte Carlo. As wonderfully varied as that performance was (and needed to be), I think the reason for his 'success' (read, 'not getting drubbed'), is largely down to his aggressive style of play and taking the ball on the rise. A tactic that enables him to stay camped on or around the baseline.

But what also makes him so effective is his ability to change direction following up a short angle with a down the line winner. Not many players manage that which such fluidity.

If he manages his energy well (like he did in Monte Carlo) and maintains that intensity for the best part of three sets, it's surely not inconceivable that he win once in a while? But the conditions would have to suit him. Don't see him pulling it off in searing heat. Not with his breathing problems.

Ivo Karlovic

Just coz he can serve anyone off court anytime, any day, any place, anywhere, on any surface. If he holds all his service games, and catches Rafa napping in even one of his, it could happen in a short three setter. Couldn't it?

Guys that didn't make the cut:

Andy Murray - Doesn't (yet) move well enough or play aggressively enough on clay. Though there's no question he has it in him to 'take it to Rafa'. Whatever that means.

James Blake - A one time nemesis of Rafa's. Probably for the same reasons I mentioned above. No more. Now it seems he's his own nemesis. Probably just as well they've never met on clay. Bit misleading now, that 3-2 H2H.

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga - Only very narrowly missed making the list. No question whatsoever of this guy's Rafa-Baiting credentials. But on a clay court with all that sliding around? With all those Somersaults Rafa makes you do? Don't think Jo-Willy will risk injury, even if he thinks he can win.

So there you have it. My team of 'Red Devils' - guys I'll be backing to make something of an impression on the insurmountable edifice that is Rafa on clay. Not a dirt baller amongst them.

I should say my '1st Team' of Red Devils, because I'm also really hoping that the real dirt ballers start living up to their name. Instead of mostly not even making the quarters. But I don't they'll be factor against Rafa. Which is why they make up the 2nd Team:

David Ferrer - Have a look at his match against Gonzales in the semis of Barcelona last week if you want to know why.

Fernando Gonzales - Have a look at his match against Ferrer in the semis of Barcelona last week if you want to know why.

Nicolas Almagro - Been out in the cold for too long.

Tommy Robredo - Against my better judgement, but I'll back him one more time.

Fernando Verdasco - This guy should be '(red)dirty dancing' with the form he's shown us recently. How can you not back him to do well on clay?

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2Hander's Take: Has the mighty fallen...?

We have just witnessed Federer go down in a heap!! There's no other way of saying it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am concerned...very concerned, in fact! I am almost at the point of saying that GOAThood is more or less not happening now. Why? Not because he's become rubbish now, well, he has in a way. Having 46 UFEs with 26 of them from the backhand side is not healthy. First it was the forehand, we thought he fixed it...now the backhand?!? I guess what makes all the more frustrating for us is that we know he can do better. OK, imagine what it must be like for him...?

What is it? Does he need a shrink or something? In fact, the last person to take the game so seriously at a mental level was none other than Ivan 'The Truth' Lendl*! I have made comparisons of the Fed-Nadal rivalry to Lendl-Becker and today reinforced something for me, it seems as though he has his mind too firmly set on GOAThood - perhaps it's clouding his focus. To be world no.1, one has to win more than just the Slams.

Back to Lendl...I see a link - Tony Roche!! We know how Rochy turned Fed from that graceful, exquisite serve-and-volleyer into an agressive baseliner. OK, it won him a shed load of Slams...or did it? People have often commented that the rest of the field was not a patch on today's line-up. Could he have done just as well if he was the serve-and-volleyer? Does Rochy plant the choking seed in their minds?!? Only kidding...

BTW, it's nice to see The A-Rod rejuvenated! I wouldn't mind a cup of whatever he's been drinking during the off-season. Also, respect to how Nalbandian gave Nadal a tennis lesson (albeit for a set!). However, Tsonga was the last chap to give the world no.1 a right royal whupping!

Is it that I am seeing The Fed undergo nothing out of the ordinary?! Admittedly, I have never really kept in touch with Masters events outside the Slams for a good few years now. I know towards the end of last year he had a string of losses against the likes of Murray and Simon...talk to me, people!

* - Snoop Dogg (yes, the rapper!) once said on a BBC interview that he was into tennis as a kid! He thought that Lendl was, and I quote, "old skool" and that "...Ivan was the truth!". Read More...

Desert Heat Pt 2

[1] R Nadal (ESP) d [14] D Nalbandian (ARG) 36 76(5) 60

Match of the tournament? For two sets anyway. Daveed's fecklessness may have given us more reasons to fume and seethe. But I've learnt to treat this as a kind of annual ritual: Daveed comes. Daveed rouses us up with tennis that suggests he should be in possession of around three Slams. Daveed goes.

Just enjoy the tennis, I say. It's truly breathtaking.

From the way he ghosts around the court belying his somewhat pork-bellied image as someone who should presumably have trouble reaching the odd ball or two, to his inch-perfect timing which is surely a contributing factor in his now 2-1 H2H against Rafa.

Daveed was getting over the top of Rafa's high bouncing returns and hitting down flat. He's built with heavy shoulders that no doubt help him drive through the ball effecting a return that was practically skidding past Rafa. For the first one and a half set he made Rafa look pretty ordinary and quite lost out there and despite the defeat, I'm still in favour of thinking of him as Rafa's nemesis.

And as far his carrying around a few more pounds than is necessary, I'm almost in favour of saying that if it doesn't bother him then what have we got to gripe about? OK plenty. But it's all mainly along the lines of 'unfulfilled potential'. Nothing to do movement. The guy doesn't move around, he "materialises next to the ball" (love that quote from Tennis Magazine); and there's other player's whose seeming pork-belliedness doesn't get in the way of their movement or their tennis too. Marcos Baghdatis for instance. Or Svetlana for that matter. She's an exceptional mover, though not an exceptional thinker.

Have you seen what happens when elephants go for a swim? They turn into creatures of spellbinding grace and elegance. And so it is when Daveed steps on court. Makes you think he was born playing this way - that kind of stuff can't be taught.

One more thing, I loved the way Nadal saved some of those match points when he was serving 3-5 down in the second set. He hasn't got the biggest or best serve in the game but no one can now surely think of it as a weakness.

[2] R Federer (SUI) d [17] F Gonzalez (CHI) 63 57 62

It's not often that these two don't put on a good show, but I really didn't find this one particularly interesting. All right maybe I wasn't paying full attention. But it was all too familiar. Gonzo banging away at things with his forehand in a way which only he can. Roger looking like he was thinking "I really should have won this by now", not serving particularly well and then deciding enough's-enough in the last set. Highlight of the match for me was Gonzo's butchery of his racquet, and the subsequent crowd-baiting. Not the most sportsmanlike episode of behaviour we've seen this week. But it certainly got my attention.

[3] N Djokovic (SRB) d [16] S Wawrinka (SUI) 76(7) 76(6)

I've heard several commentator's make the point that Stan might possibly have the best SHB down the line on tour. I'm not completely sure about that, but I will say that given time and space he imparts the kind of heaviness we normally associate with double-handers.

What stood out for me was Stan's defence, and in particular the way he was able to soak up Novak's 'onslaught', which for me is still too workhorse-like, with not nearly enough deep-balling we saw so much of last season.

Novak got through this one but only just (the fact that it was straight sets is largely irrelevant) - Stan lost his nerve on one too many key moments demonstrating once again that despite the major backhand he's still not a major league kind of a guy.

[6] J Del Potro (ARG) d [WC] J Isner (USA) 76(4) 76(3)

Didn't get to see this one. Juan's either read Roger's book on slaying Wandering Monsters or they find his surliness more scary than anything they can bring on court.

[10] F Verdasco (ESP) d P Kohlschreiber (GER) 64 36 61

Caught bits of this one. Absolutely love everything about Phillip's game (not just the single-hander you'll be pleased to hear), except the service action which has an obscene amount of hip-swiveling going on. Another guy who 'Coulda Been a Contender'.

Nando wasn't nearly as comfortable in this as he was against Reeshard. But he found a way through demonstrating amply well that his new found fortitude is no flash in the pan.

Another thing. I guess you've all seen his 'Talk to the Hand' victory pose. But what does he say? It sounds like "YEET (hunched fist pump)....AAW...HAW (Talk to the Hand Pose)!" Three guys in his Players' Box look and sound like they're doing exactly the same.

Kind of reminds me of a Mortal Kombat character who'd do something similar after pulling out your spinal chord (yes I played some pretty violent computer games in my teens).

I Ljubicic (CRO) d [22] I Andreev (RUS) 46 76(5) 76(4)

I'm confused. I love the fact that Ivan 'The Gentle Giant' is making something of a comeback, but aside from his serve, wouldn't have thought that he'd possess the firepower (or the temperament) to get it done against Igor 'The Forehand'.

Even as I watch him now, a set down against Murray - I'm seeing what might be construed as flashes of brilliance (which do demonstrate why he got as high as #3 in the world), but nothing that would suggest Igor should have had any problems. I guess that's what makes Tennis interesting.

One other thing about Ivan. The guy is a one man clinic on taking on high bouncing single handed backhands. I don't particularly like the motion - too much arm rolling going on - but I don't think I've seen anybody take that shot on so comfortably.

[8] V Azarenka (BLR) d [1] D Safina (RUS) 67(4) 61 63

Great first set. Enthralling rallies with groundstrokes of the highest level early on from both women.

I know I said Dinara's departure would render the event into a sideshow of sorts, but I'm somehow glad she didn't get the #1 ranking with this form (she'd have made the top spot by simply getting to final). You can imagine the torrent of articles branding her a 'Slamless-Wonder' that would be sure to follow.

I was giving her the benefit of the doubt after her first round exit at Dubai, and Dinara may have got to the final of Melbourne but her slippage is now quite evident.

Azarenka on the other hand was unflinching, patient, resolute, and hitting groundstrokes both wings with such penetration and authority that I'm almost willing to overlook their lack of imagination (definitely not the stuff that would've inspired Michaelangelo).

At at 4-3 in the final set, she summoned Zeljko to the court who gave her a real (verbal) kick up the backside. Safina lost the next game to love.

Azarenka was in tears at the end suggesting she's not a total robot. But I have to say I think her coach looks too nice - Victoria strikes me as a bit of a handful and I find it difficult to see him giving her a dressing down the way Zeljko did to Safina.

[4] V Zvonareva (RUS) d [9] C Wozniacki (DEN) 64 62

I was hoping Wozniacki would come through after we lost four of the top seeds earlier this week. But she was beaten by other pick for this tournament. So that's Ok then. Go Vera! Read More...

Going Against the Grain (or Prove me Wrong) Pt 2...

Andy 'Its My Time' Roddick

Written off by many as having failed to keep up with the latest crop of rising talents, Andy has had a decent enough start to the year in getting to the finals at Doha.

I got particularly excited by his run to the title in Dubai last year, where he beat both Djoko and Rafa in straight sets. If it weren't for that Fedora bloke, Andy should by rights have had a couple of Wimbledon titles by now.

However despite all that, it's not a stretch to suggest that this could be as good as it gets. Aside from the A-Bomb of a serve and a much improved backhand, he does quite often, look ordinary besides those four and a bestiary of ever increasing new talent.

But you know what? I don't care. And neither should Stefanki. And neither should Andy.
As Dubai showed, he can still trouble the very best with his maybe less varied set of tools.

Like with Hewitt, I would love the doom mongerers to be proven wrong about A-Rod.
Unlike Hewitt, I really believe he has a better chance to do so.

David 'It-was-Mr-Hyde-Wot-Did-It' Nalbandian

No David, you're not fooling anyone. I couldn't give a flying-forehand that you just took that title in Sydney. Besides, you'll have to do a lot more than defeat Niemenen to convince me that you're done with the annoying and very wasteful habit of treating the year like one big warm up season, and only playing anything close to your potential in a couple of indoor tournaments right at the very end of it.

The last time I got excited about anything you did on court (Madrid,Paris '07) I spent half a year waiting for you to follow up and was rewarded with that semi final outrage at Queen's: my pick for the worst given by any player (male or female) in 2008.

Nor do I care that you had another good indoor season last year. Why? Because you're not in control: Mr Hyde is - and has been for many years now.

So go and drink an antidote, or get exorcised or something - better still show up in a Grand Slam semi - until you do I'll not be taken in again.

Marat 'Year-of-the-Swan' Safin

It's his swansong. You never know. Ok you probably do.

Kuznetsova

It's not her swansong. And I fear I do know.

Elena 'Too Many Break-Points' Dementieva

Prove us all wrong by winning a Slam (which her form suggests she's well placed to do in Melbourne) with what has to rank as the worst serve the Open Era has seen.

Secret's Out Juan (Del Potro)

Not a fan. His lurching side to side movement and unimaginative 'first-this-way-then-that' style of constructing rallies has something distinctly 'WTA' about it, and has led me to consider him something of a male Sharapova. Except a little more surly. And with more facial hair.

He does, to his credit happen to be the best at that particular brand of tennis (he entered the US Open on an unbroken 23 match winning streak). But players like Del Potro are only successful if they're given the luxury of playing the match on their terms by being allowed to dictate play; and it won't be long IMO before most of the up and comers find ways to prevent him from doing that. Fourth round at best.

Victoria 'Pennywise' Azarenka

She replaces Ana as my new 'It' Girl of the WTA. Although in the more grim Stephen King sense of the word.

I'm sorry, but she represents everything I feel is wrong with Women's tennis right now: the lack of creativity, the rote-like grind-it-out rallies, the avoidance of the net like it's an electrified fence, and do we really need another shrieker?

Don't misunderstand me, the poor girl's probably worked very hard to get where she is and it does take talent to strike the ball the way she does. I probably wouldn't mind it if there were just a handful of those sorts of players around, they would add well to the mix.

I just don't like the way every player from 10 through to 30 (and beyond) feel they have to hit the same way.
They all float down there.

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