Indian Wells: “Metaphysically” Back

 

It’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever warm to Little Miss Fistpump, but I do know and I do enjoy the look of a former champion on the mend.

JJ never got into the match and spent the better part of it on her back foot being overwhelmed by Ana’s pace.

Ana’s now as in her element as she might ever be – the serve still continuing  to crumble occasionally, though not in the spectacularly pernicious way that’s wrecked any sense of continuity she might otherwise have derived over the past two years.

The highly irritating bellicose ‘ajdes’ and fistpumps (which have now acquired an equally irritating wind-up motion) will likely continue to keep me underwhelmed. Where others see “motivation” and “spirit” I see only gamesmanship of the highest order. Which isn’t in itself a problem (if a little unwholesomely “in your face”): but let us please call it what it is.

My timeline was so completely swamped with adulation, it almost gushed straight through my monitor like some metaphysical scene from Inception.

 

I would go through some of  those very same emotions  hours later.

It seems to me that nothing, but nothing, hits the mark in this age of Kangaroo-pressers and ranking system paraphernalia, than to see one of the very best, the “old guard” (if at 23 you can be called that), cut through all the crap with a statement match like this.

The serve still holds her back, but on the basis of this performance Pova’s already (metaphysically) back in the top ten.

Try and imagine what she’d look like with a decent first serve.

Dinaroshka, serving aside, did all the right things this week. That’s mostly been down to her attempting to rally her way out of trouble rather than hitting the snot out of everything that comes her way. The new found patience (instilled, I imagine, by Sanguinetti) saw her able to fight her way past a troubled Stosur but also a Dani at the very top of her game.

The serve, at this point, barely qualifies as a “work in progess”. You’d have to be a really picky dirtbag to beat up on her for that.




I was live scoreboarding this one feverishly (mostly because Caro dropped the 1st set 6-2 – I really, REALLY want a new winner this week), clumsily trying to picture how it might all be playing out.

This is how it was actually playing out:



”Alisa Kleybanova of Russia misses on a forehand volley return to Caroline Wozniacki of Denmark during the BNP Paribas Open”. (Getty’s caption not mine) 

Can we all agree Alisa Kleybanova strikes the best decontextualised tennis poses ever? [Alise Cornet a very close second]



 

I know. I don’t believe it either.

If the future's Milos, then the future will have to wait. Fed plays Bieber in the quarters.

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Indian Wells: Broken.

   
Trying this thing where I play “fly-on-the-wall” during Vika’s matches whilst pretending to ignore her. It’s working. I’ll very likely be enticed into watching her play Caro. Which is when the spell, I suspect, will be broken.

I WATCHED. AND MORE THAN JUST SPELLS WERE BROKEN.

After watching her leg buckle painfully under her, Sam Sumyk (not whispering for once) wisely advocated against risking further (more complicated) injury….on the off chance that she recovers in time for Miami.

Statement of the Bleedin Obvious: Thigh strain, Heatstroke, Serena Williams.......VIKA HAS ROTTEN ROTTEN LUCK. 

This’ll probably sound callous, but she has more chance of baking a cake made of anti-matter than being in ship-shape for Miami.

And if she somehow does manage to heal even partially, she’ll probably end up treading on a shard of glass whilst dodging a falling piano.

It’s almost immoral.

Get well soon.

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Indian Wells: Whither Stosur?

Anyone that continues to ignore the ignoble immensity of Stosur’s troubles  since the new year began will have their work (spin-doctoring) cut out for them today.

I have (and continue to have ) every sympathy in the world with Del Popcorn/Dinaroshka. But let’s not pretend a large part (maybe all) of both matches didn’t reek.

Dinara served up around 16 doubles with her newly architected service motion – I believe Stosur gifted as many forehand errors. Dolgo, meanwhile, went AWOL for most of the 2nd set. Not just a little rough around the edges then.

Plenty to admire, particularly Dinara’s patience from the back of the court (that’s new) – but you’ve gotta think Kohls-Smiter and Pova will prove sterner respective tests. Or maybe not.

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Indian Wells: “Brazen Hussies”

 

Dominika’s Law of Universal impudence: Capable giant slayers (like Domi) will only slay Goliaths in your tennis pool. Espesh blue-eyed ones with hot coaches.

 

Cibulkova d. Zvonareva 46 76(4) 64

Players like Domi and Rezai employ a brazenly simplistic hit’n miss formula.

Many people have a problem with this (and not just coz it’s one-dimensional). I don’t.

It’s not conventional. It certainly shouldn’t be taught. And you live, just as you must die, by the sword.

But let us please not pretend it has no place in the game. And let us please not pretend it’s not soul-stirringly hypnotic when they do connect. 

Without them, that sort of shameless audacity simply wouldn’t exist. Why would it? It’s idiocy.

Trouble is, if you entirely eliminate that idiocy from the game you remove the only elemental (madcap) force capable of pulling off the most suicidal of wins at the highest of levels – the occasional duffing up of a top five player forces the game to evolve in ways it might not otherwise see. Think of them as the mutants that create sufficient amounts of instability in a population that might otherwise lack for vitality, or worse, go sterile.

At its best you get the kind of apocalyptic run Aravane exhibited at Madrid last year. At its worst she goes down, like she did yesterday, flailing in a fug of her own insolence.

Sharapova d. Rezai 62 62

That’s not at all to say Pova didn’t play a contained, measured and entirely professional match – as good as anything I’ve seen from her in months.

It’s just difficult to know what to make of it and how much stock to place in it (which I totally want to do) without having had the match this was hyped up to be. Dinara next.

I have no idea what chance Domi stands against Wicks (Universal Impudence says she’ll flame out in straights) – players like her aren’t built for longevity, nor do they naturally lend themselves to any extrapolation.  I only know that I find it ironic that two of the fiercest ball strikers we have measure in at (or under) 5’5.

Where does that leave so called “Big Babe Tennis”?

(Pics: Getty)

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Indian Wells: Donald Duck, my eye.

Young d. Murray 7-6 6-3

There really is no way to categorise young Donald’s style of play. Unorthodox? Flamboyant? HELL YEAH.  Not that either of those quite does it justice. I’d say its packed full of riffs and more akin to an “experience”.





(Just so we’re on the same page with respect to “riffs”…)

I don’t have any problems calling out Murray for the theatre of anguish he  inflicts upon us for rather too long every year after Oz. It’s something he’ll have to address for himself. Though I will say that I’ve seen a lot worse.

At some point, however, it was less about his despondent underperformance than it was about Young’s electrifying over-performance. Not that that was ever gonna get in the way of the mickey-taking.

 

Poking fun at Muzz  is all well and good provided you’re prepared, in the same breath (and in as strong terms), to give Young his due for the best performance and biggest win of his career. Not doing so is as blinkered as it is disingenuous.

He probably won’t keep it up. I doubt Hendrix could either.

Donald Duck, my eye.

(Pic: Getty)

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Indian Wells: Because I’m Worth it.

Here we all so wonderfully are at the first post-Oz event of the year that actually amounts to something. I expect electricity, I expect sociopathic levels of belief (and denial), I expect the feeding frenzy that results when those, like myself, with the predictive capacity of mucus, indulge in a little quantum-bracketology of their own. I  also expect some very poor trash-talk between Nole and Fed.

 

Maybe I’m just half a wavelength behind everyone, but it doesn’t quite feel like that just yet.

What it actually feels like is a benign form of stasis in which all the best stories are yet to develop, or haven’t yet acquired the momentum necessary to elicit the type of considered tennis reaction that goes beyond sticking bubble gum in your detractors’ hair, or breaking wind and running away– not that either of those isn’t an entirely sensible way of settling tennis disputes.

I’ve got some strong feelings on why I don’t think winning here would strongly benefit all but a handful of the top players. Woz, for example, is darned either way: Win, and face all those malignant, ‘Slamless’, ranking-related questions again. Lose, and any pretensions she might entertain of being mentioned in the same breath as Clijsters evaporate into thin air.

Muzz occupies a similar role – winning would certainly go a long way to snapping him out of his (now traditional) post-Oz runners-up stupor; and yet he owns 6 of these things already. The lack of that other more crucial “thing” is what’s causing the psychosis.

 

What would a win really do for Kim or for Fed’s legacy (other than, in his case, dispelling that grim and quite inexplicable fog of “dysfunktion” that’s loomed over him both here and at Miami for the last 4 years)?

Can Rafa really care all that much knowing he can safely look forward to claiming 4, if not 5, out of the 5 clay court events he’ll likely enter this year?

 

Wish all of them well, but here’s what will really light my fire:

1) Bepa: The best WTA performer right now (and playing as well as she’s ever likely to ) – that single title she’s won at this level (at this venue in fact) is beginning to smack more and more of underperformance.

2) Sod: as I think I’ve said before , I really don’t believe he’s done himself justice having won only a single title at this level (very) late last year. He’s actually still playing catch-up with his potential.

 

3) Sveta: see above comments about Bepa’s “underperformance” and then multiply by 50.

4) Delpo: Two consecutive semis and an entirely commendable mickey-mouse title. A Masters title makes the comeback official. Somewhat ludicrously, it would be his first.

 

5) Any one of a gang of bright (and entirely ruthless) young things like Dolgo, Milos, Petra or even Kanepi to bring about a bloody coup – a killing spree that results in the partial reconfiguration of the rankings and ownership of the tour’s main titles. 

I’m entirely serious. I’m not normally one for “next big things”, but it seems to me we’ve faffed around with Grigor and Ernie for long enough – conditions seem ripe as they’ve ever been for something a little different.

And because, they’re worth it. All of them.

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Wiggling Bepa and the “Man to Beat”

 

I didn’t follow any of Dubai this year only finding time to tune into the final.

 

As such, I don’t have too many opinions. But I do think it bears mentioning that although this is now 3 consecutive titles for Nole in DooBye, this is the first and only of those three in which he’s either displayed the form or met with the opposition consistent with that success.

 

What’s perhaps more surprising is that it was Fed who’d been the better player all week – Nole termed his win over Berd “his worst performance of the year” – yet it was Nole who was able (in the first set at least) to bring the type of tennis that’s won him Slams (plural).

 

Does this form, this incredible streak he’s on, make him the best player in the world right now?

 

Probably. I really don’t see the controversy in stating that.

The fact that he’s the ‘man to beat’ right now must surely be incontrovertible and isn’t (despite troublemakers’ best efforts to stir things up) a slight on anyone. On the other hand, it also says next to nothing about his chances at any of the upcoming Slams or, for that matter, at IW/Miami. Nothing, that is, other than that he must be held up as one of the four or five players with the best shot at winning it.

Quite possibly the best wiggling-Bepa pic ever.

Yes the wind was a factor (though I think it’s very telling how Caro-supporters gloss over how Bepa was successfully contending with exactly the same conditions) and I’d be lying if I said Caro was at her best (main difference centres on whether she was done physically after two contiguous weeks or simply due a dud) – yet I still think all of that pales in comparison to how very far Bepa has come.

Can you honestly see her playing some of the matches she played this week even twelve months ago (let alone prior to that)?

If you want my honest opinion it was Hantuchova that delivered the performance of the week – I’m still not completely certain why she lost that match.

But doesn’t that also precisely and exactly capture why it’s Bepa and not Dani holding up the trophy at the end of the week?

Some of Bepa’s surprisingly low-key, economic play (often under the type of pressure would have resulted in her inexorable collapse not 16 months ago) was so un-Bepa like, I almost mistook it for someone else.

Just as un-Bepa-like, is the fact that she was able to continue in that vein for the entire week.

 

Who are you and how did I get here?

 

Yes Delpo won his first title since his comeback and yes that is a flux capacitor from late 2009.

Also, incidentally, his third consecutive semi final and a rise of 77 places to #89 in the rankings.

Spare a thought, if you can tear yourself away from the Delpo welcome-home party, for Tipsy, who is now 0-3 in ATP finals and the only “titleless” member of the top 100 Serbian stable.

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